Totally in love with my ex

Hi, I'm Julie, and I have a problem with being totaly in love with my ex boyfriend who some what abused me. Him and I dated for 2 years off and on, and I cant get the memories out of my head "good or bad" =[ It sounds totaly ridiculous i know!!! Everybody tells me to move on, because it was just 2 years, and over time my heart will heal... but anyways heres a little bit of our story.... When we first started dateing i wanted to break up with him, because he was awkward to be around, but i gave him a shot because he was hott, and played football. 6 months into our relationship he decided that he wanted to hit me, and call me names all the time. I got tired of it, and we broke up for about a week or two. Me being the dumb 15 year old girl went running back to him. I wish I would have stopped myself right there, because the beatings got worse..... I never told any one he hit me, until one morning it got so bad that i got knocked out, and blood was all over the floor, and marks all over my neck from where he grabbed me. That same morning, Me being the dumb ass went to school, and went to the nurse cuse i didnt "feel good"!!! she saw the marks and asked who they were from , so i told the school nurse what had happened, thinking i could trust her, and she sent me home. The next thing i know i got a call from the cop. I refused to talk to the cop, but the officer told me that if i didnt tell him who touched me that it was a misdemenor, and he could arrest me. So i told him what happened that morning, and sure thing my BF tyler went to jail, and i balled my eyes out. When he got out i was in school, and i saw him in the hall, and tryed running to him, but he ran the other way, and i dropped to my knees and cried, and made a scene. I ended up in the officers office, and he told me we had a restraining order. I cried....... a few weeks later we decided that we wnated to break it and see each other, so i was a dumb ass and went right back to him.... we were doing fine, until one day we got into a huge fight i shoved him around, he shoved me, and he told me to leave, but i wouldnt.... so we were screaming, one of his neighbors called the cops, and of course we both got in trouble.... He told the judge i hit him with my car..." WHITCH I DIDNT" so i ended up going to JVC "juve". Than of course when i got out i gave it a couple months, and we dated again. This time we were lagit SECRET... no one knew about us.... we were doing fine, and than i was hanging out with this guy named dallas, and he found out came to my house, and held me up aginst my couch till i couldnt breathe and hit me... I have not broken this restraining order that we have currently, but i want to so bad... he added me on Facebook, and i really want to press accept, but i know i will get in trouble.... He tells alot of people he will never be with me again after what i did to his family, and all the money i have cost him... My issue is i love him so much, and i lagit can not let go... IDK if it was the sex or what, but soemthing about him makes my heart drop. I would get beat just to be with him... will some one please talk to me about this, or tell me if you have been through anything like this? I need to know how to let go, how to move on, and how to stop cryin Thanks Julie