Alone and trying to cope

My partner of 4 years decided to end our relationship last month. I'm so lonely and struggle daily with the what if's. i've tried evertyhing to reconnect to get him back. He's definately not intersted. I'm trying so hard to put things in place to move on. Trying to keep busy, rearranging the house, even telling myself the pain I'm going through will make me stronger, I'm better without him etc. But there a days like today I just feel so low. My best friend now lives overseas and I although I have friends I work with I can't/ don't want to share it with them Any suggestions?

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I came to this site because I've been dealing with loneliness too, as have a few other people I've met here. The passing of time is difficult enough, I know, but for me there are moments that I call "the sadness that feels like death". I started emailing a long time friend who I hoped would understand and she does. And this site really does help. There's one person I talk to every day for the last couple of weeks and we help each other to cope with the loss. My situation is far different from his in that he's straight and I'm not, and that I fell in love with someone who isn't being accessible to me, and so I never had him to begin with. However, intentions were stated and plans were made, but then communication stopped. This should have been something I could get over and then move on but I couldn't. I'm experienced and I knew right away how I felt about this person and that it would be long lasting and significant. The feeling was mutual but apparently there's a problem. It felt like falling off a cliff. It should have been just a blip on the radar but was in fact devastating to me. 36 days of unbearable sadness so far. Not diminishing at all, but becoming manageable to an extent, because I'm learning about myself and keeping as busy as possible. I think you need to talk with some trusted people, and talk a lot about this. And you need to find that element in your life that will help you to rediscover yourself and be able to heal and grow again. For me, my faith became important again. The solitude still becomes unbearable for me at times but I hope to heal. I have not given up on the other person I mentioned, but we have to be able to be with ourselves. I don't want to be alone and don't believe that I'm supposed to be alone. You may feel the same way about yourself and if you want my opinion, you should not deny that aspect of who you are. Your loss is profound for you and valid. Tell people about it, as much and as often as you need. People are here to listen and to help. Had I not found this place, and relied on my true friend, I don't know what kind of state I would be in now. If you see me online please feel free to talk if you want. I use the screen name LeeSyr.

I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years and appox two-3 months just gradually broke it off. we had not had sex in a year he is 57 and im 47 and then i found he was looking at a transgender dating website. i was shocked he was such a wonderful guy. i absolutely went psycho it was so shocking. I said so many terrible things to him. he wil have no contact with me now at all. im so sad my daughter said its like livin in a funeral home she can't take it much more. i feel like i just want to stop breathing and hae no will to live. please help with some tips someone.

To LeeSyr thank you for your kind words. Your reply helps me feel contected to others in similar situations. Yes I fully understand the sadness that feels like death'. When this stikes me I tell myself to "just breathe through it, I acknowledge to myself this is my heart hurting and to just breathe deeply. Gain control and move forward. I had been searching online for e.g. how to win your partner back sites to self help books to why you have broken up etc.(I have always enjoyed reading and am trying to use this as a tool to help me). I am now using the No contact rule as Like you PETITENURSE I said some things ..and the ex has become quite nasty ''.So the NC rule is where I am at this week. i haven't really wanted to share my problems with people I know as they say things like

Perfect way to get your mind off of him, Here it is: BECOME THE BEST YOU, YOU CAN BE!!!!!! Workout more often and get in excellent shape, read positive books and surround yourself with positive people, find some cool hobbies that interest you that youve never done, go out and meet new people, treat yourself to a new toy every once in awhile Example: a new phone,laptop,camera,tv, or whatever it is you like. Join a new Church or whatever your religion prey alot, and just enjoy life. Listen men come and go, but get in tune with your star player you. Im a man, and ive been in this same situation myslef, Ive been with my girlfriend for 6 years now known her for 10. And we've broken up before and i felt like crap, felt like someone came and snatched my soul out my body. But Bad cuts take time to heal, do these things ive listed for a few months and i promise you, it will get better. Take care and remember, theirs 6 billion people in this world, time for him to be somebody elses problem now. You moving towards your future.