I feel so pathetic and worthless!!!!!

ok well this is my first time here so heres a little about me to help you understand some of this. I am a 16 year old girl. Im very fat and ugly, now PLEASE DON'T think im just one of those aneroxic (spelling?) girls who are so skinny, because im not. Ok well anyways about a month ago i turned 16 and my only g-ma that i ever knew and loved died , the day before my b-day. i was very upset as you could imagine. well to make things even better i started making c's and d's and i was close to an f which for someone based soley on academics is horrible. and then my 26 year old bf decided that i was to sad for him, mind you im so ugly ive had to resort to dating someone i met online who is in canada, and so i started cutting myself adn it wasnt a sucide attempt cause trust me i wouldve done it if i wanted to but my mom found me the next morning in my bathroom and then the doctor sent me away to the crazy house for kids where i had to stay for a week and now they have me on drugs for depression and "social anxiety" or some junk, and then to top it all of my "best friend" started dating my ex while i was locked in there and i had just broken up with him and that is what sent me over the edge anyway but i forgave her well sorta. but ok then i was talkign to this guy from pennslyvania who said he liked me and he actually listened and tried to help me feel better about stuff and he had and is going through some stuff that i know i woudlve done offed myself if it was me so i thought you know everythign he said was true and that when i went to college he was gonna move down to tennesse to be with me but he hasnt talked to me in like 2 almost 3 days so im like totally flippin about that cause he was kinda mad at me last time we talked cause i told him i would have my cam working but then i got sick and didnt have it and i think he thinks i was lying and he also gets mad at me for things i say about myself but i mean he has seen my pics so he knows its all true but i so wanna cut again but he doesnt like cutters and im afraid that if he really did like me and he finds out that he will like hate me. and this is the first time i have really cared about someone like this and i know it sounds stupid cause i havent met him but the only person i care more about is my second cousin who is just a toddler and im his fav person to babysit him and he loves me and doesnt judge me for how not attractive i am. and my psychologist doesnt really help me feel better like when i go he always says well if you were more outgoing you would have friends regardless of how fat you are or arent and who knows maybe you will find someone to love you even if your big cause your mom did , yea my mom is kinda overweight and had to have sugery cause it was so bad but everyone still loved her and i dont care how big she got my dad would always love her , people always tell you beauty is on the inside but i guess its different when your talking about fat people well i know im boring yall to death so im gonna go

Sounds like you are having a tough time. Your post is certainly very descriptive of the things you have been through, but you've got to find strength in yourself and try to be more confident. How distressed you must have been when you found out about your friend dating your ex boyfriend... I bet the hate was just building up inside you around that time. For sure, you are doing the right thing speaking with professionals who will try to help you, but most of their efforts will be focussed on making you dig deep into what makes you as a person, and what the driving forces are to make you cut yourself. A so called "self learning" programme I guess. It is great to hear that you have developed such a bond with your second cousin - someone worth living for by the sounds of it... If you are serious about the guy from Pennslyvania, then I hope that you can maintain a more normal approach to life, that way people will treat you with much more respect, and they will be more inclined to overlook the fact that you are a big girl... let us know how you get on over the coming months and let's see what support we can give you as well...

well im 16 2 n 17 on da 17th of dis month bt i aint thro wot u hav bt da whole cuttin ur wrists i no wot u mean n da shrink ive bin 2 1 n im currently on medication along wit both my parents and my 36yr old brother people go through alot of things in life some mre thn other bt jst keep dis in mind, its not whats on the outside that counts its whats on the inside that maters n im sure ur family n friends will agree. some people do recover from depression some dont but jst look on the bright side of life n it will help alot k. bye bye love rob x x x x