Husband's lack of sex drive hurts me

I am 36 and my husband is 41. We were together for about five years before we were married. We have a two-year-old son. We have not had sex since the middle of last year. We haven’t had a great sex life since we were first dating, and that was only for a few months. The problem is that he has very little sex drive. About three months after we started having sex, he had a brain aneurysm surgically repaired. Before the surgery he was all over me sexually, but afterwards he was never the same. Now I have to beg him for sex. He almost always puts me off with some excuse. I’m tired of feeling humiliated and ignored. I’ve thought long and hard about divorcing him over this issue. I used to really love him, but now I’m not sure that I am truly in love with him anymore. I feel like he broke my heart over and over all these years and nothing will change him. I have cried over and over about my feelings and tried to be very clear that I’m truly hurt. He says that he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what’s wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it. This is always his answer. I don’t know how to love someone and not have sex with them. Please can someone offer me advice, I really don't know where to turn to.

I really totally sympathise with you entirely . I couldnt imagine any relationship without intimacy and fairly regular intercourse . HOWEVER , it does seem your hubby could genuinely have a medical reason for his loss o libido ! Why not seek outside advice . Go and speak to your doctor on your own and then maybe together . He used to be all over you so he's capable . Are you both still attracted to each other ?? I suggest a third party to help you both . Good luck x

Yes, I know that I should probably seek some professional advice, but at the end of the day, if we can't have sex, then our so called relationship, is nothing more than a strong friendship. I am really unhappy, and this may seem selfish to many people, but I don't feel our relationship can ever be complete unless this problem can be overcome. I am planning on taking him away, as a romantic break around Valentines, just as a last chance to see whether any sparks are still present. Thanks for responding to my post. Kim x

Hi again If i was your husband ok , I would like you to tell me in advance about this trip ! Dont spring it on him or the pressure may spook him . Have that serious calm talk and explain that you hope you can be intimate -- not necessarily full sex . Dont pressure him . After that Kim it looks like you def need to separate at least . Find some hanky panky but dont hurt him . You deserve it xx

Hi there, I took your advice, and told him what I had planned. Actually, he had some idea that we were going away or something, because I asked him to keep the time free which he thought was unusual. I still haven\'t told him where we are going, because I want it to be a surprise, but it is somewhere we went before our marriage, and I thought that it might be a good idea to be in a setting that we were familiar with, and could relate our past to. Thanks for your advice anyway Partridge, I was hoping to get some replies from other people as well, but it doesn\'t look as though there are many people who know about this place to talk about things like this. Thx again.

No probs ! All i can do is wish you loads of luck . Let us know . Ther dont seem to be that many people on this site . They ask a question and get a reply then leave -- not to answer someone elses question . I asked some things private to me and got a reply , but look in to try to help other people . At 39 i've lived a bit and can share . Be Lucky K x

May be your husband has problems with erection and there are no psychological reasons of ignoring you. May be he needs Extagen or another good drug to return his sex drive and to solve problems with erection? Think about it. Men never say that they have problems with erection. It is very hard for them. It's easier to behave as he doesn't need you. It hurts him a lot. Help him.

Kimberley read your ad and can totally empathise although i dont have a solution you are def not alone! im a healthy virile 33 year old woman and my partner is 28 and we are having the same problem!!Im not oversexed but like you think we should be intimate more than once a week when i have to initiate anyway. a male friend said its because hes "in awe of you" as im quite a feisty type or he sees me more maternally which is worrying....have you tried to relax and not mention sex at all and not pester him at all? Its worth holding out for to test his reaction as he could be playing games with you? Are you sure hes not cheating? sorry to be negative but you explore all options. If you cant get anywhere then put your cards on the table and tell him you deserve to be happy and he is denying you that, even the most basic sexual fulfillment and that you will be moving on as soon as you find somewhere else to go. You will get worse and worse i think over time and consequently more unhappy which you dont deserve!! You need to discuss it with a relate counsellor first although getting a man to go to these things is hard enough!! Put your happiness first because your life partner clearly isnt!! he doesnt deserve you!!

I understand what you're going through. I had the same problem with my boyfriend of 5 years. I researched the internet and found that it can come from alot of things. From health issues, too low of testosterone, fear of not being able to perform or satisfy, and also what kind of a person is he. If he's passive he might fear rejection, or too much pressure to perform. look up some sites on the internet about sexual dysfunctions. It might shed some light into what could be wrong. We also had a great sex life in the beginning. I'm still puzzled about mine too, but I learned to please myself when in need and not pressure him anymore about the lack of.

Has he tried Extagen? I think that modern drugs are rather good. I use it personally and I think my wife doesn't ask in forums "what to do?".

Sympathise totally with this problem, i have experience of this with my wife. But from a professionals viewpoint you would be asked is through sex the only way someone can show love?, or, why do you need to have more sex, are you the one with insecurities? These are just a few questions i have had to think about.

Now I have to beg him for sex. He almost always puts me off with some excuse. I’m tired of feeling humiliated and ignored. I’ve thought long and hard about divorcing him over this issue. I used to really love him, but now I’m not sure that I am truly in love with him anymore. I feel like he broke my heart over and over all these years and nothing will change him. I have cried over and over about my feelings and tried to be very clear that I’m truly hurt. He says that he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what’s wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it. This is always his answer. I don’t know how to love someone and not have sex with them. you put into words how i feel

im in a simliar spot. im with someone who is all i could ask for and we are happy yet he doesnt touch me....at all. its been so hard. i am gettng hurt and now resentful. i dont want to lose him but im dying inside.

Some people are saying maybe he has erectile dysfunction. That could be true, but it is no excuse. If your husband loved you and wanted to maintain a relationship with you, he would find other ways to be intimate with you and satisfy you sexually, regardless of whether or not he could get an erection. His refusal to attend to your sexual needs is no accident and is a clearly passive aggressive. This is so not fair to you. You are a young woman only 36 years old and you deserve a loving man. If I were you I would leave him quickly before wasting anymore of my life on him.