Unstable

I don't know if i got a really bad relationship or not. And i don't know what i should do. I am married for 12 years and i have 3 children that i really adore but my husband is having an affair and he knows i know about it and doesn't deny it. I guess i just got used to it for almost 3 years now but now i feel like i don't have a purpose anymore. Whats the use in being on a relationship that you can't trust and have that person you can rely on? I also feel useless and doesn't need to be in this world anymore. I try not to be depress but everytime i want to not feel anymore...i think my kids doesnt need me anymore...i dont know whatvto do anymore... I dont have anyone to talk too...i dont need help i just need someone to listen and talk too.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, you sounds quite drained by it - not surprisingly! Have you thought of talking to a counsellor about all this? Not to be "helped" necessarily, but to have someone listen to your story and how you are feeling! If you are in the UK, there is Relate.org.uk, or Marriage Care.org.uk There is also the Samaritans in the UK, who will listen over the telephone and are available 24/7. I hope things pick up for you soon. Sky

That's awful, you deserve better. It's not a healthy relationship and most of all you are not happy. Don't waste your time on someone who dosnt love you! It's hard but I think your better off on your own. I know this as my mother is now single and she's a whole different person! Go for it.

I feel for you. Twelve years is a long time to have invested in a marriage. How old are your children? Is it worth trying to get your husband to go to counseling with you? You do need someone to talk to, that is why I signed up on this forum.

My kids are 12, 6 and 5 years old... Its just that i don't feel anymore.... I feel drain for making all them think that i'm fine. I was in a broken family and i know what happened to the children i dont want for my kids feel neglected but i know that if we get divorce we'll be fine its just that my husband doesnt want to get divorce and he still doesnt want to let go of his mistress

If you are in the UK you can go to Relate or Marriage Care on your own, and keep it that way if that is what you want, or your husband could join in later, if that was agreeable to both of you. But initially, it would be about having a listening ear and some emotional support, without anyone trying to tell you what to do. It sounds to me as if your husband wants the best of both worlds, and might be playing on your reluctance to separate. You sound like a loving mother who is putting her children first, but please give some thought to your own needs - you sound very dispirited and worn down, and I suspect you may be suffering with depression, which would explain your numbed feelings. I suspect you may be reluctant to seek help because you want to stay in control of things and you don't want people telling you what to do, but counsellors will listen without trying to persuade you one way or the other. If money is an issue, talk to them anyway, they can usually sort out something in that respect. No one need know that you are seeing a counsellor, it will be in the strictest confidence. Your children need you to look after yourself so that you can stay healthy and look after them, but they are too young to remind you of that, so I'll do it for them: please reach out and get some support. Because of the way your husband is behaving, there probably isn't a quick solution around, but you really do need to start thinking more about your emotional and mental health so that you can limit the damage and do the best for your children.