Bf wants 3some, I dont. Help!!! He wont let it go

So this is the 1st time I've ever done this before and im not really sure about it...Anyhow. here goes...my boyfriend & I have been together almost a yr. However we did have an intense 18month long relationship over 5yrs ago...so Ive know him a long while. So now that we r "together" and all that, hes always telling me hes never ever had better sex with anyone ever in his whole life. And that I TOTALLY do it for him. Hes cheated on all other relationships in past but says he has no desire to with or on me cause im everything hes ever wanted blahblahblah....the reason im saying blahblahblah is based on a few things that i feel may have brought on his need for another woman in our bedroom....1) I've gained 35lbs in 10months 2)while the sex is still amazing & mind blowing, its short & without a lot of quality attention to me 3) he watches a lot of porn & replies to wm4wm ads online.......!!! SSSOOOO I suppose im just tryin to get some insight as to what might be the "real" issue here and more importantly how do I deal with it? He says his "fantasy" is to have another woman or couple in the same room just WATCHING us have sex because he wants to turn them on by how amazing our sex is. That just doesnt really make sense to me... Ok so thats the gist of my current issue. I really feel insecure about the whole idea because it seems like this "couplewatching" is all he thinks talks about...naturally my head goes "if we do this once, is it gonna be enough? Is he gonna start tryin to bring ppl home from everywhere? Is he gonna be sneakin around with the woman?? Am I gonna be able to have enjoyment during the episode??" Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh I really wanna figure this out!!! The way im feeling, its a make or break deal. I just want to know the long term outcome and I know that seems irrational but......

Don't get pushed into doing anything you're not comfortable with. The implication here seems to be that if you agree to include others in your sex life, then he won't be tempted to cheat on you! Big deal! It sounds as if having watched porn he now wants to become a performer with an audience. I suspect this is just the beginning, so if are not into DIY porn, swinging, etc, then I suggest you draw a line now and face up to any issues he has with keeping your sex life a private matter. This is very much about him acting out sexual fantasies, it's not about making love to you, which is the usual reason for sex between two people involved in a committed relationship. You say he is telling you that sex with you is great, but then you say he doesn't pay too much attention to you when you are having sex, which suggests he is concentrating on his needs, rather than yours. The difference between sex as a recreational activity and making love to someone, is that the latter requires attention to the other person's needs and not just your own. I also get the impression from your post that although this is not your kind of thing, you are tempted because you sense you are not enough for him, and agreeing to this might help to keep him? Which is likely to be a slippery slope for your own self-esteem, and as a consequence, the relationship itself. Your b/f is giving you mixed messages, i.e. he's saying that you: "totally do it for him!", while asking you to get involved with activities that suggest he needs more than sex with you to satisfy his needs. To be honest with you, I think he's spinning you a line with such reassurances so that he can talk you into letting him have his cake while eating it. No one can know what the long-term outcome will be, but if you want to find out how much you really matter to this guy, then saying 'no' is likely to test out what he really values. Saying 'yes' may keep him around a bit longer, but then my guess is that you will be left wondering what his true priorities really are? I suspect your relationship is at a crossroads, and that the issue is one of boundaries, and one-on-one, versus an open relationship. My advice is not to do anything that goes against your better judgement and personal values.

Dont do it!! My boyfriend said his fantasy was to have another lady or couple with us. We even went as far as joining sites and chatting to people on line to arrange a meet. The longer it went on the more uneasy and unsure I became. My emotions were in a mess and I realised I was only going along with it for him. We decided that our relationship was too precious and didnt want to risk losing it, so we gave it up. If your man loves you and is totally into you, then that should be all he needs and wants. Just enjoy eachother and what you have together. Good luck x

Okay, there are a couple of things worth pointing out here: 1) The way your boyfriend is acting is making you doubt yourself and your attractiveness. 2) You are not getting what you need from him sexually. 3) You are uncomfortable with what he's asking of you, yet he won't let it go. All 3 of these things are potential red flags, and you need to pay attention to how they're affecting you and your happiness. Firstly, no matter how you look or what you weigh, it doesn't give him the freedom to move on to greener pastures. Be happy with yourself. If you want to lose weight for you, then do it, but don't do it because you're afraid he's going to seek out other women. It is his job as your boyfriend to make you feel secure in your relationship and when you start doubting yourself it's just an indicator that his behavior is affecting you in a negative way. Think about how and why his sexual requests are making you uncomfortable and discuss that with him. Let him know that it's affecting the way you feel about yourself. Now, for the sex life part, first thing's first: You need more attention. Tell him that before you indulge his fantasies in any way, you're going to need some extras. (Whatever it is that you want, let him know!) If he's not willing to give you what you need, it would be pretty greedy to ask you to do what he wants. If you're not cool with the "couple-watching" thing, that's okay! Just tell him flat out that it's not your cup of tea, but let him know you appreciate him being comfortable sharing his fantasies with you and let him know that you're always open to hearing more ideas until you find something you're both excited about. If you think maybe it is something you'd like to try, maybe make it part of a special occasion (birthday, valentine's day) and say it's a one-time-only deal. If you decide after that you enjoy it, you can always break that agreement, but if you say it up front he will know that you aren't planning on making it a habit. You can also start off slow by talking about other people watching while you have sex, having sex in front of a mirror, doing it next to an open window, or even filming yourselves for someone else to watch later. (Whether or not you actually show someone is an entirely different matter, but it should work in the heat of the moment.) But ultimately what you need to ask yourself is this: How is this affecting me, my self-esteem, and my sanity? Obviously you care about him, but he needs to show that he cares about you by not pushing you so far out of your comfort zone that you're stressing out about it. It sucks, but you should always be willing to walk away if things aren't what you want or need.