Desperate for advice :( someone please read x

This will take ages to read, hope someone (anyone) finds time to read and offer advice. Little bit about me, I am 28 years old, I work in the travel and tourism industry, I'd say I'm not bad looking- quite pretty in fact- I take care of my appearance. I work hard, have lots of friends... I thinki am pretty fun to be around...Little bit of background, my previous relationship lasted for 6 years, engaged for 3 years, happily, (I thought so anyway)... My then bf was in the army, I can swear there wasn't one moment whilst he was away in Afghanistan, for 6 months, that my mobile phone wasn't in my hand... Relief is an understatement that he returned home safely...and as I was at home planning our winter wedding, he was posted away to the Lake District for the spring/summer. His new role included kayaking, mountain biking, camping out by a huge lake and trying to convince teenagers from colleges across the north of the UK to sign up and "Be the best!" When my ex was away, I had plenty of friends and family around to keep me company, I loved his parents dearly, they embraced my mother and I immediately... Our families got on very well, we were one big family! My ex and I lived together in our own home...when he was home from Penrith, we had a fantastic sexual relationship, as well as being good friends. Then, out of the blue, he broke things off with me at the end of June (we were to be married in the coming December, all booked, paid for... Best man chosen, bridesmaids fitted with dresses... Church booked, met vicar... Even booked flights for my Australian cousin to fly over and be a bridesmaid... My brother was giving me away as I don't get along with my father... And sadly my mums dad, who was not only my granddaddy but my best friend passed away the year before), that didn't stop my exe... claiming he didn't find me as attractive as he use to, saying that I use to be fun and spontaneous etc, basically that he had gone off me, simple as that. We hadn't been arguing, he hadn't seemed less interested or attracted to me... I was inconsolable, literally for 3days/nights festering in the same pair of pyjamas on my mothers sofa, sobbing uncontrollably. As much as I wanted to call him, to ask if he had had a change of heart, I resisted, giving him the space he told me he wanted... I couldn't eat sleep or talk. Standard procedure in my opinion, it felt as though someone had pull the rug out from under me... I was winded by the amount of hurt and heartbreak that I was feeling. There was a knock on the door 3 days into the cry fest, 3 of members of my exes squadron had come to visit me, even considering that I had know all the boys since he joined the army, 4years earlier, it seemed odd that they'd travel so far (from Oxford to Lancashire) to see how I was doing, they were his work family after all... I looked horrendous, there was no denying that I was in a complete state... They asked what had happened/been said, I was embarrassed to repeat it but managed to give them the jist of why we had broken up... Once I had told them, they apologised for coming but told they knew something and I had a right to know too...My ex had been being unfaithful to me, sleeping with various girls on nights out, bragging about having me for weekends and the other girls mid week etc, he had even slept with a barmaid from the clubhouse on the big campsite they were based on! It had been going on for months and that the real reason he had broken things off with me was to go on a lads holiday after the summer posting was over... Not just a lads holiday it turned out... 3 weeks after we broke up his posting ended and he went away with the lads on this holiday. A few weeks before that a group of 18/19year old girl from a college in Leeds had been sent to the ART (army recruitment team) camp, they'd got on so well with the art lads that a handful of them arranged to meet up on the holiday. So there was my ex, living it up and acting like a teenager again (he is a year older than I) and I was starting to try to salvage/repair my life, which was in all fairness, in tatters. I saw pictures later on Facebook, my exe had even driving 2 of the girls to the airport! He later admits to sleeping with one of the girls.... But that is neither here nor there, as by this point he wanted me back, even walking into my mums house one night and trying to tell me he loved me etc, but I had planned a solo trip to Thailand, to re discover some independence and try to find myself once more...affirming my sorry ass and finally knowing one million percent that what had happened was for the best... Who would want to marry someone capable of doing those things?! I flew to Thailand, stayed a few months...met some amazing ppl, saw some amazing sights and experienced the most amazing turn around in myself... I was back! Happy and ready to take on life.... Getting up wasn't a struggle anymore, I looked forward to work again... Now I bring you back to present.... It's now January 2013...I haven't been involved in a relation since my exe until I met my current bf... I was alright about it too... I didn't need anyone, I was happy on my own! Things developed slowly between me My new bf, to begin with... It was early June when we first started chatting more often, he is a local guy, I'd come across him before, my friends remembered him, from our childhood, but I didn't... We got chatting on Facebook, it wasn't anything unusual, just talking! After a few weeks of chatting we arranged a FIFA night (I am a bit of a tomboy when it comes to FIFA, playing against my brother as a child, when my bf mentioned FIFA to me I couldn't resist) We started spending more time together,watching films together, I started staying over night, sharing a bed, but not kissing or having any kind of contact... Like I said, things started very slowly... Of course, things developed it to more, and in aug last year he asked me to take some time off work to go away with him for a weekend, we had kissed at this point but nothing further... I had all these grand ideas of romance in my mind... I booked the time off and started to look forward to it... On the morning we were due to go, he said I should pack my things and call him... That he was going for breakfast with his male friend. I called to say I was ready and he was in the pub! He had had several pints, couldn't drive and it meant we weren't going any where after all... Baring in mind we hadn't really ever been anywhere together, once to his friends house to have a few drinks, once to my mums bbq... Built never on a date or anything similar to a date.... I was upset, told him I wouldn't see him any,ore and cried all the way home. I called a friend who had offered me festival tickets, i declined to begin with as i wanted to go with my bf, they were already there but i talked another friend into going with me and I went to drown my sorrows with my buddies...He continued to party with his friends until mid weekend, when he messages me on Facebook asking me to answer my phone (I had left my phone at home so not to get upset by him not calling me).... He rang again not long after I had got home and asked me to meet him. He saw how upset he had made me, I didn't hide it... We chatted in Starbucks and after our coffees he drove me home and I wept as I left him. He messages me within 10mins on Facebook, asking for another chance... Saying he didn't know what he wanted, but does now... He said he was ready to be a proper bf. since then, we have practically lived together... At his house... If we fall out about anything he tells me to go home. Once he sent me home, and admits to messaging another girl on face within the hour. He know what I have been through, he knows I knows that I like him a lot, love him even... What follows is my current situation, please help me sort this out... My bf is still in touch with his ex gf. She lived with him previously (they had been broken up for just over a year when we started seeing each other) its all very innocent if you ask him, a lost key here, an old vase there... She wants some stuff back, he says she can have it, it always gets done slyly, when I am out at work etc... He usually tells me only when he has to, the lost key for example, she still had on, his vanished in to thin air, then hey presto new key is there... He had to tell me she had been around... I asked to see the texts they had exchanged about the key, over the full week, he said he had deleted them. Not only that, but he has lost his phone twice since we have been seeing each other... But he still has his exes number in there... He had to start again with his phone book, both times, but her number is there, re entered and when I asked him about it he says he remembers her number. I looked shocked, he said- quote "so what". He always says she messages him for the stuff but he never seems to get the stuff together so he can finally just give it to her and stop tormenting me... Every time his phone rings I think it's her, I asked him to chg his number and give the stuff back, he said he would... But hasn't... We argued a few nights ago and he said that if I want him to have a new phone I will have to pay for it as the one he has a the minute is paid for by his work. He has also taken to calling me some vile names... He has thrown things and broken things and his temper seems to be getting worse... Not long ago he pulled on my scarf and nearly throttled me. I have never felt like a victim, I have been hurt and when things are good between us they are brilliant, the arguing is becoming more frequent, he knows I love him... I cook for him, clean for him... He isn't an overly affectionate person, he is more a thinker than a sayer... But he is very reserved when we had sex...it's more of a routine... Always in the morning, same position (facing away from one and other) he got an email on the iPad we share the other day, some sex help website, really graphic stuff about how to please a woman orally... He has never preformed oral sex on me (sober... He has attempted on 3 or so occasions during our relationship while under the influence) I asked about it laughed it off... He says he hasn't slept with a lot of girls, but hat isn't the impression I get when I speak to my friends who remember him... Tbh I could sit here all day telling you things which have made me suspicious of him... But we send all of time together, except for the days when I am working and he is off... I work weekends, he doesn't... Long and short of it is, I do love this man, but I don't trust him. He admits its because of his actions, and that if things were the other way he wouldn't trust me either... What shall I do? Please someone... I can't upset my mum with all of this, my bf wouldn't be happy if I spoke to any of my friends, most of whom are boys as I am a tomboy... I've job roles recently, going form an travel agency full of female colleagues to a huge call centre with lots of members of both sex. My bf gets ragingly jealous about it, saying he go mad if any one approaches me. He won't chg his number, he knows it hurts me... I can't stop thinking about his ex... Is it worth it? Should I just be alone or try to make this relationship work... Everything feels soup

I see two serious issues when reading your post, the first being that this guy has been aggressive and violent towards you, and the second being that you don't trust him. The impression I get from what you say is that he's not motivated to recognise and work at changing his ways. You sound like a nice person - probably a bit of a 'catch' - and it seems that you want someone to settle down with, but this guy doesn't sound like the sort of person you can rely on to make you happy long-term. Whether it's just bad luck, or that you're just not fussy enough when it comes to choosing men, is hard to tell, but none of what has happened in your relationships sounds like it reflects on you as being a sound partner. I think maybe you will have to kiss a few more frogs before you find a guy that is right for you. My advice is for you to find a guy who treats you nice and with respect, and someone who is trustworthy, i.e. someone who makes you feel secure. It might be a hard decision to make, but heeding the warning signals that are flashing up now, while reminding yourself that you deserve better, sounds like the way to go. If it means more tears and another trip to Thailand, then so be it - you have your whole life in front of you, so take the pain now so that you can find someone who is right for you, and deserves to be with someone as nice as you. Learn from the past, choose carefully, and hopefully it will be: "third time lucky".