No escape from his feelings

I feel i am torn. Its been almost a month since my ex and i broke up.We are financially unable to leave the apartment we bought together and im so broken up because i believe he is not being fair to me.I tried to do the nc thing but dont think it works as well since we live in an one bedroom apartment. And i avoid him as much as possible but he is always there ( school and home.) Now i hear rumors of him flirting with another girl. And at home he talks to me about the little things like. " look i cut my finger! How did what happen?" He is not respecting my feelings and space.like one time. Since he is color deficient he asks me whut colors his clothes are and when i said i didnt care he says " are you serious?" like he is offended. But i feel bad when he gets upset so i help him. He replies " is that so hard?" ........( fucking yes it was.) In a way im glad he is talking to me but at the same time. I hate being the only one feeling this way. So angry and jealous and disrespected. I need advice. How should i respond back without making him think badly of me. But rather i guess make him feel bad for asking me in the first place. ?

well why did you two break up in the first place? it is very difficult to let someone go and even more if you two are living together but it seems that you too still want to be together. if thats the case then let him know straight how you feel. if you can put your pride aside for a while then make the first move. but if thats not the case then maybe you should look for a roommate. living away from him will allow you to let go of him more easily.

When people split up there is an 'inner' and an 'outer' journey involved. The outer journey is what you do about the relationship. The inner journey is about making the emotional adjustment and disconnection. When couples split up it's not uncommon for one person to be in a different place on the inner journey, particularly if they were the one who initiated the separation, in which case, their inner journey may have started well before the other person was aware that a split was coming. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference - not in a contemptuous way, more in a: "it's OK now type of way". Your post suggests that you and your ex are in different places on respective inner journeys, but I don't think it's clear 'who' is 'where'. One possibility is that he hasn't even started to make the emotional journey out of the relationship, in which case his thinking might be that the split is just temporary. Or it could be that he's in denial about the split - emotionally that is. Another possibility is that he's moved on a lot farther than you in that respect, and so is able to be cool but friendly with you - which is what is really getting to you ... right? I think it's going to be really hard for you to make the emotional journey out of this relationship while living in the way that you are, i.e. you are trying to make the inner journey without making the outer one. Which is completely the other way around from the usual way of splitting up. However respectful he is to you, he can't help being him, can he? At the same time, no matter how much you want to split up (which is probably because you can't see it ever working?) you can't help having feelings for him still? One of the difficulties with moving forward and getting over this problem is that you need to be able to communicate with each other, which is likely to be a catch-22 issue, in that if you could communicate that well, then you probably wouldn't be splitting up anyway. I think the first thing to do is to be honest about things and check out whether you really want this break up? Can you both agree on that with openness and honesty? If you do, then you both need to recognise the additional difficulties involved with making the respective journeys the other way around from how it usually works. The more you both understand the processes involved with splitting up, while being clear about the direction in which you want to go, the better the chances of making a go of splitting up - which sounds kind of weird, but that is what you are trying to do. When you have become attached to someone emotionally, the process of emotional separation is similar to working through a bereavement, but somewhat complicated by the fact that the other person is still around - literally every day and in the same room, in your case. But to make the break, the emotions involved will still need to be dealt with, the main ones being: denial/ disbelief, anger, guilt, sorrow, and eventually a sense of acceptance over the loss. You don't forget the people that you have loved and become attached to, rather you eventually become comfortable with the memories of them. The strength of attachment varies from person to person, as does the way in which people deal with the emotional journey involved with loss. Being upset and emotionally "all at sea" is a normal reaction, and a period of depression is not unusual, and can be seen as a natural reaction. How much an individual will show their emotional reactions to others is a very personal thing. It's very hard, if not impossible, for an ex to help with the process of letting them go, and I think a period of no contact is often the best way to deal with the early stages of separation. I hope this post is of some use to you - I think what you are trying to do is complex and hard at the best of times, and made much harder by the constant physical proximity of your ex, but good luck with it. If it turns out that you would both really like the relationship to continue, but can't find a way to make it work, then couple counselling might help. Even if you both want the split, couple counselling might help with making the separation.

Thank you for your guys advice. It is difficult to get over him when we are going to be living together for the next few months. But i am also confused about what i want. You are right that i do want him back. But he broke it off with me, if he and i got back together. How reliable will he be in the future? Our happiness will not be secured. On the other hand. Just move on and find someone who deserves and treats me better because i dont want yo be hurt again and end up being the back up plan. Thankfully the girl he was flirting approached me and told me that she finds him approaching her to be very creepy and uncomfortable. So i guess my attractive meter went down a bit.( but i think he is doing that to cope because she is asian like me and she tells me that he may be projecting my face onto her something something not too sure) At other times his friends tell me that when he works he would take long pauses and practically do nothing would get up and leave the work space and walk by to take a glimpse of me and head on over to the table where he flirts with the girl ( and i know how he works because i know some of his gestures and quirks) so to me that is out of the ordinary but even though i appreciate the team concerns for him and coming up to me about it. I cant help but to feel sorry and i tell them i can do nothing about it. I think i really need to focus on myself because i need to learn how to be selfish and freely speak my mind about how uncomfortable this situation is making me because i put others needs before mine. And if he doesnt care how i feel ( at least that is what he tells me) then why should i? I live here too and pay half the rent cook the food and clean while he makes a mess and i hate having to push myself in this small bedroom cooped up while he takes up the space out in the living room. But you are also right he cant help just being him. But he could at least acknowledge how i feel because my actions have been pretty obvious that i do not want him around nor speak to him. Im just incredibly hurt yet i keep letting him be him around me and i keep stabbing myself

It seem's like he knows that it effects you and then gives the disrespectful comments. So you need to not let him see that it effects you. And if he is frustrating or upsetting you then walk away and go and distract yourself with something else. Because it must be a tricky situation for you when you both can't leave. But if you really cant then then try and stay away from him as much as you can and sleep in different rooms and keep yourself busy with outside activities. And why not rent your house out until you pay it off and then you could maybe stay with a family members. Because if you still have feelings for him then it would be impossible to move on if your seeing him all the time and it should make you alot happier. Hope this helps.