Am I a fool?

Ok, here's the deal. I have gotten alot of different answers, but from people with a vested interest. Looking for impartial answers here. I met someone while still (unhappily ) married. We became really close. I left my husband (going to happen anyway) and became involved with this man I met. I know it sounds crazy but I fell in love with him very quickly. He said the same. He claimed I was his soulmate and the love of his life. When my divorce became final, I was bombarded people telling me I needed to fix my relationship with my ex! I was so dam confused. I was still completely in love with the man I was with and everyone was telling me that I was doing harm to my son by not getting back with my ex. I didn't know what the hell I was doing half the time. I started being ugly to the man I was with. Still very much in love with him. He was still saying the whole soulmate . love of his life stuff. I lied to him a couple of time about my trying to get back with my ex. It came to a head and I appologized to my boyfriend and told him that I had cleared my head and I knew I wanted to be with him. He asked me what I wanted and I told him I wanted to move forward with him. The next day he decided that I hurt him too badly and needed to move on. Said he fell out of love with me. Now I'm being told he obviously never really loved me, because he wasn't willing to stay and make things better. He was too quick to leave. What do you think?

Well you are not a "fool", when you are unhappy in your marriage you tend to fall for the attentions that your marriage life wasnt giving you (boyfriend), if you can remain friends with your ex husband and hopefully you can find some middle ground. I was in the same situatlion a few years ago except we didnt get divorce (but very close) we worked things out for the kids and ourselves and to this day still working on our relationship. Best of luck.

Hey, I would say what you are going to do looks absurd. Dont even think of going back to any of your exes. You said you were unhappy and fell for this person. Then how can you go back to unhappiness. Please do something and start living for yourself instead for someone else. You dont need anyone else except your own will to survive and you will be good. In my opinion you will be better off without any of this so called relationships. Even if you have kids, it is ok. You will do fine. Dont get pressurized by anyone. We are gods creation. He is the only one who knows the real purpose of our being. Just leave everything to god and move on.good luck.

Sounds to me as if you were beguiled by romance and the excitement associated with falling in love and finding a person you saw as "a soul mate". Foolish as it might be, lots of people do it, and it's part of being human and able to experience emotions. When reading your post I get the impression that you didn't really know your own mind, i.e. that you got caught up in hearing advice from various people, and so you became confused in your sense of direction. A sociologist might say that you got caught up in role conflict, e.g. that of Wife, Mother, Lover, Friend, etc. The psychological effect can be cognitive dissonance, which is a bit like trying to think in two opposite directions at the same time. Sometimes, people so affected do nothing when it's obvious they should do something, or they just make a total hash of things. It can happen to people who are usually quite sensible and intelligent. However, it does sound as if the relationship with your new man was quite fragile. Perhaps he was a bit high on romance too, and when you showed some doubt, the bubble burst for him. Only guessing of course. If you are still not sure which direction to take, I suggest trying counselling. The difference between receiving advice and counselling, is that the latter is about enabling you to explore any doubts you may have so that you can find your own way forward, i.e. you start to rely on your own inbuilt compass - everyone has one, but sometimes it needs finding, and a bit of help with learning to use it with confidence. Even if you have made some mistakes, that doesn't make you a fool - the foolish bit is not to learn from any mistakes made. Sky

It seem's like you have alot of people telling you how to live your life and not helping you at all. And you must go with what you want and need and the part of this having a bad effect on your son is rubbish. Because it is alot better for your son to see you happy then seeing his parent's being miserable gogether and if you stayed with him then what would you be teaching your son. That you cant find happiness again and to stay in a relationship that is making him unhappy so dont beat youself up because you did the right thing. The only thing now is that because you listened to people's poor judgements that it affected the good relationship that you had. But it seems like you both really loved eachother so if i was you then i would try and win him back. Hope this helps.