Long term relationship: time to move on

Hi there, I hope I can get some good advice! My wife and I are both 44 been married for 16yrs together just over 19yrs with a wonderful 13yr old son. Our income over our whole marriage has been low, despite my skills and its been a struggle but we managed to maintain our relationship at a good level. 2008 through mid 2010 then 2 years of natural disaster (earthquakes) which we managed through until early - mid Nov last year. I have been unemployed since June and finding a new job has been hard and so far unsuccessful. Then early - mid Nov my wife really got addicted to social media, had an online sexual encounter and then met another guy online in another country and pronounced to me that she doesnt love me anymore, stopped doing and saying all those little things that show love and make the marriage. I spent two weeks more or less grieving, she wont get counseling with me, shes changed and still addicted to social media from waking to sleeping. My heart tells me I should separate and be on my own. But the practicalities are we financially need each other. Deep down emotionally its gone... and I just dont know what to do now. Any thoughts? Sorry for the length.. thank you so much! Regards VA

I really dont think you should stay together for money, but also understand. If she refuses to go to counseling with you maybe you should give her more time to realize she is making a huge mistake and the grass is no greener on the other side. Also, if finaces are an issue I would have the internet cut off. Maybe even get rid of the cell phones. This will help your relationship and save money. Just a thought, Im no expert by any means.

what are the other signs? I am kinda going through the same thing, I just dont know if he actually had an encounter, BUt he says the forums are what he has to do to get away from me, I thought about the internet but I didnt want to punish myself.

Cutting things off are completely counterproductive as my son and I need it as well. Signs, she got very secretive with her phone, but in the end she told me the truth. Shes met this guy in New Mexico and they want each other bad. If she had the money shed be gone. So we're just living quite platonically, virtual flatmates. Im fine with it all.. my heart is strong enough to get through .. I joined some chat sites just to meet new people and have some fun and Ive been surprised by the unsolicited responses from some attractive women! So that gives me hope that Ill find someone new quite quickly. If I didnt have my wife and sons welfare to think about I probably would have packed and left, there's no anger or animosity, shes changed, no longer interested in the things I am and wants to go in a different direction. I really want to find someone who loves and supports me and loves me for me.