Desperately seeking happiness!!!

I've been married to my husband for almost 24 years! To cut a long story short we have 4 children ranging in age from 20 down to 10. We lost our second child 19 years ago. Over the years this has placed enormous pressure on our relationship. Over the past few years I've come to the realisation that we have grown apart & I now don't have the same feelings for him as I once did. He tels me all the time how much he loves me etc., but I just can't say it back as that would be a lie! I know he knows deep down, but he is in denial. I have grown spiritually so much & he is still "back there" sometimes! Our interests have changed, I still like to play sport & exercise regularly, he'd rather just talk about doing something! I travel & go out more with my girlfriends as he now has a fear of flying or can't deal with going out (anxious) I'm totally miserable & I feel I can't keep living this lie, but I know I'n not financial enough to leave. Well a turn of events in the last few weeks has intensified the situation! I met a man 18 years younger than me on a dating site & after several txts etc, we met up & kissed & had sex, & OMG, do I know I'm alive! ...I'm going to hell now! My feelings for my husband have compounded & even though the new affair is not going much further at this point, coz it probably would never work, I've accepted that! I feel it has helped me realise my marriage is over! I'm now so guilt ridden & moody with everyone around me it's sending me insane! I think the worst part is not the fact I had an affair, because I know it was so wrong that it felt so good!!! ...but the fact that he's done nothing wrong & I'm the one that's created all this mess! I feel so much guilt especially for the fact that he still loves me so much, any advice? It actually feels good to get this off my chest!

If you don't love him anymore that's fine. But you need to be a grown up. You have children. What would they think about you cheating on their dad? And not to mention how as a mother you train them to do what's right. We all make mistakes, but how would you feel if your children had gotten married and did what you just did? You have two options: if you don't love their dad and you want to be with this other man then you need to leave their father. Get the divorce. Or you can stay married to him and be a family that's together. In the end it's all up to you. But remember; you have kids with this man, there's no way to get ride of him forever. Because you have kids together you will still see him at least until your kids are all grown up. Good luck. :)

Thanks for your advice, there is a lot more to this than I\'ve written, I could write a book! Deep down I know I\'m looking for happiness in the wrong place! I love my children dearly & I know that\'s it\'s not the right example but I am human with all my frailties & I know it wasn\'t the right thing to do, but I did! My husband needs help too, but is unwilling to come to the party re: counselling, I\'ve tried on numerous occasions to try & sort our problems but he sticks his head in the sand like an ostrich & is very stubborn! Again I understand it doesn\'t condone my behavior! That part is now in the past, I need to move forward whether he decides it will be with me or not. The hardest part of moving on his financial, I only have a casual job & I won\'t be able to afford housing etc. & all the upheavel that comes with kids moving schools etc. There will be lots of challenges ahead & I\'m grateful for sites like this that can be extremely helpful when all seems so lost, thanks again!