My online friend's terrifying story

Hello. This is the story of an online friend of mine. He is living in a poor country where you don’t have many chances for progress. I’m posting this with the hope that someone will be able to help him. Unfortunately he doesn’t speak English and that’s why I translated what he wrote in several forums in my place with no luck. Here it is. I’m starting one extremely painful and sad story for me. The story of my life. I was born in a family where money and opportunities have always been insufficient. From there on, from the very beginning my parents used to quarrel, it was mostly my father’s fault for that. He used to apply violence over me, terror over my mother since I was still a child. Breakups and gatherings followed and in the end, after a week at most we used to come back to my mother’s home village where I grew up during the bigger part of the period of my existence. As a whole I was raised mostly by my mother and grandmother. During the years my father used to come, raise scandals, threaten my mother and that used to be followed by going backs to him again. After that – hours of depressing conversations, plus he was also cheating on my mother. As a rule I used to witness those nasty occurrences. So… when I was four and a half years old my mother conceived a second child. My brother. Initially my father wanted her to abort, but she didn’t do it and born the child. But during the years, the more my brother was growing up, the more attention they were giving him and he was becoming more and more gooey and insolent. He was carrying my father’s character in him. We weren’t getting on well from early age, we used to quarrel, sometimes we were even fighting and of course after that he was always the one who was right and I used to get the beating from my father without him even trying to find out who is right and who isn’t. Gradually things were getting more critical. My mother was struggling to take care of two children, my father wasn’t sending support for months, at some time he used to throw us around 20-25€ just not to die of hunger as the saying goes. My mother wasn’t working because she had Grave’s disease. In other words problems with the Thyroid, she also had palpitations. So she wasn’t healthy. But it wasn’t possible to be after all those disgusting things my father did to her. But for long years she was bearing him and used to bring us to him, I don’t even know why. Besides life here in her home village where we grew up wasn’t easier. Because my mother has a brother who is a total alcoholic. He was doing all kinds of drunken actions, taking out knives, as a whole really big scandals had occurred. The environment at home was horrible which is something murderous for growing up children. Due to that reason I was only a kid in the 1st grade, when I started having problems with the nerves, fears, phobias. You name it. They took me to a psychiatrist. He ruled undoubtedly, diagnosis - anxiety neurosis, moreover highly developed. I had been taking pills for some time. When I started going to school I was a total hermit, let’s say an outsider. I couldn’t fit in my classmates’ circle, neither to start a conversation with anyone. I was losing my mind by just looking at more people. That’s why the harassment at school started. I went through many and different kinds of humiliations. For the 8 years when I attended school, my life as a student was a total chaos. I used to come back home stricken starting to listen to my family’s quarrels again. No one used to bother my brother for anything. Subsequently I grew up literally as a prisoner. I was crying easily, the more I was growing up, the more it was hurting me that I couldn’t have the youth life that every youngster deserves. Every time I was going out, crazy mocking and provocations used to start here. In other words I didn’t have peace neither at home nor on the street. When I was in the 6th grade I also had a surgery with the risk that I could never have children. That was the serial shock that killed any will in me to live. My psychics had totally collapsed, I was losing weight and had no appetite. When I finished 8th grade I was already devastated by everything that had happened to me. When I started 9th… even worse things happened, beatings from my father again, harassment at school… so I had no more power. I had to run away from classes, I had no choice. For that reason my father came and beat me up without even asking why was that happening. He took me, drove me to his home village and signed me to study there. This has been an absolute agony for me. The situation there wasn’t any different. His family had always been despising my mother and talking against her. Separately at the school as a new student everyone was provoking me, they were also jumping on me. Maybe they were feeling the depression and the fear in me and used to make my days a nightmare. In the end I had to hitchhike so that I could escape from there. I returned to my mother. My father started calling her furious on the phone; to threaten that he will kill us. But whatever, in the end he decided to renounce me and said that he doesn’t care. That was good news, the only good thing that I could hear. But from everything that I went through, I was ruined indeed. I had already lost my chances to continue my education, I was dreaming in the night how my father was above me and smashing me. My uncle here was causing bigger and bigger quarrels, my brother was behaving more and more gooey and was making a pile of intrigues at home. He didn’t even go to school, but no one was telling him anything. So just imagine the situation I’m in. I was growing up as a complete anchoret. When going out I was unconfident because when I was a child, I wasn’t even allowed to go to the shop. And suddenly by going out everyone my age and even younger was making fun out of me. I’ve never felt what happiness, friendship and love is. No one has ever let me develop as a person. Those thoughts had been wearing me down. The lack of money at home was getting more evident. The intrigues were also increasing, like with hours. And in the end no one was caring how do I feel. To cap it all, around two years ago my mother found another man. So… he is good, relatively understanding, but he used to live off our back for months, my mother took a loan, he wasn’t working, only getting indebted to the shops here and there. At night he used to go out to steal. As a whole – a messed-up story. In the beginning he pretended to be a totally different person, but when he showed his real face, it was already too late. Besides my mother had problems with my brother as well for accepting another man at home. That was leading to all kinds of quarrels. After that it looked like things settled down a little, but the problems still existed. This man started working… and was earning some money… But they were hardly enough for food and some new garment… of course mostly for my brother. My mother is on social assistance at the moment – 20€. Imagine how it is. I used to go to chop wood, to hoe gardens for some cent before. But then I still had power to earn at least small amounts of money. As a consequence when time was going by I was starting to pant even when I was sitting, to feel tired, lifeless… without education and also with problems communicating with people there was simply no way to realize myself. So here I am… 23-year old boy, this is the serial evening when I’m looking at one point at the ceiling, with an extinct glance, I’m feeling dead… after the serial scandal by my uncle and intrigues by my brother… By listening the hysterical laughter and the cynical attitude of some mooncalves on the street… I’m simply slowly dying. But my biggest wish is to get out from this hell as soon as possible and if there is some chance at all, if there is some power left in me, I just want to stabilize myself, to start living as a normal person. I’m tired of this agony, from this burden, like a dark fate has been weighing over me since my birth till today. Enough! When I’m amongst people, I start panicking. When I do some hard work I quickly lose strength. How to live may I ask… how could a person like me live, how to exist? I’m 23 years old and I only weigh 50kg. I’ve even lost my appetite from this depression. I’m just sitting and dying. I always hope a person to appear from somewhere, to give me a hand… I could help with household work, gardening, no matter what, just something I’m physically capable of doing for food, shelter and at least a small payment in return. I want to make a change with me, to overcome myself (I mean my phobias, the lack of power, the fear). I know that I’ll start from zero and that’s going to be an extremely hard way to go until I achieve a normal life, but I have to. I can’t stay here anymore, because I’m fated to slow but certain doom. I desperately need urgent help. Thank you for your attention. That’s his story (sorry if it took you too long to read). If someone could give him any kind of a help, his email is helpme at abv dot bg. Send your messages in English and I’ll translate them for him. Thank you.