I keep messing up my happiness and I feel so low!

I met a lovely man four years ago, he is asian, not a strict muslim and still married. He lives with me but pays all his wage towards his 3 children and the mortgage his wife lives in. She was born over there, and he was pressured into marrying her. They been together or legally wed for 13 years, although he has loved for several years. I have been patiently waiting for me and him to be able to settle properly, but as all his fanancial support is going to her I feel that I cannot move forward. I feel that there is something more to this, because although he says he needs to divorce in the future he is not willing to hurt the kids at the moment. Well we went out last night, and I usually drink too much and have curbed it for the last few months, as I become argumentative and bring up the marriage and lack of own financial support. I do really love this man, he is too kind and I feel there is something holding him down, maybe family issues. When I challenge it though I dont really get answers just get told to wait and trust him to do things in his own time. I presently am still healing from losing my faily due to leaving a religious cult, and this had been painful. He has been very supportive, calm and kind. But as I was physically and emotionally abused by my stepfather I have low self esteeem issues. All I want is to settle down, my biological clock is ticking. I get stressed. drink then do stupid things and say awfully hurtful bitter things. Last night after promising I wouldn't get drunk again I did and we ended up arguing. He has gone to stay at that house where she is, so i turned up at the door and asked him for my keys, trouble is this was 5am as I was locked out and his wife answered, I didnt tell her who I was, but I think she had her suspicions. He wasnt in the house, he was in his car outside asleep. Confirmation of how crappy their relationship actually is. I want to save him from misery and myself too, but we both can't seem to let go of each other. I believed he loved me, but after him texting things like his conscience is now clear about breaking up with me, because I have no loyalty trying to land him in trouble, I am wondering is the maybe a lot of stuff I dont know. I feel like I just want to run, I cant talk to my family about this they will think I am a mug, I just cant seem to let him go, and I dont want to. I am prepared to stick by him when he does make his moves to officially leave her, but i dont get how a woman would stay with a man that doesnt live with her. surely she knows he is with someone. I am going out of my mind now because he has had his phone switched off and he is at her house, probably sleeping, as he is a bit of an insomniac and he crashes out for a full day. But I cant seem to get the empathy from him, when I kick off about him going to hers. He goes nearly every day to see the kids which I dont mind, he is keeping her in house and home though while I struggle, I wish I could walk away. i feel like i just keep hurting him in spite because I want him to come clean to his family about us, they havent even met me. I find this upsetting as they cannot meet me until he gets divorced.

Sorry i meant to say his has lived away for several years, never loved her