Can't let her go!

Five years ago I went to a school re-union and met Julie (Name changed) who was my very first girlfriend who I had fallen in love with at the time but hadn't seen since I was 16 (35yrs) although she had always been in my mind. It was fantastic, instant attraction, instant connection, love at first sight for both of us. We are both married but we had an affair that lasted just over twelve months, we had the most wonderful time together and fell hopelessly in love, she is the love of my life, my soulmate and the only woman I have truly loved, I have never experienced such love before, being together was effortless and so easy and satisfying in every conceivable way. Due to a couple of mis-sent texts her husband found out and she completely cut me out of her life in an instant, everything we shared meant nothing and repaired things with her husband, although she would occasionally make sure we saw each other for a chat. I didn't handle this very well and sent some nasty text messages and letters which I deeply regret so much. My wife found out a few months later and confronted Julie who now hates me. My wife and I have patched things up and things are better now than they have been for years. I have one big serious problem - I can't leave Julie behind, even now 3 1/2 years later she is always in my mind, I can't stop thinking about her, I have tried so hard to let her go but I can't, I wake up at night thinking about her, I dream about her, and long to see her. Occasionally I make sure that I am driving in the right place at the right time so I see her eventhough we don't even acknowledge each other, just a glipse of her is enough. I can't go on like this it gets me down and I feel depressed and affecting my marriage. I need some help and advice on how to move on and banish her from my life once and for all.

Maybe you should find something else to destruct you, find a new hobby, go boxing or exercise for long hours, don't let yourself be idle because that way you will think about her. Do more things with your wife, things that don't remind you of Julie, acknowledge that although you had fun together it is over, her marriage means much more to her than your relationship, she can't afford to lose it, which means it's more important to her than you. It's very hard the situation you're in but you need to be very strong, if you feel like driving to go see her, do something instead, ask your wife to watch a movie with you or do something with you, that will take your mind off her. Your situation is very emotional and the healing is ultimately up to you, you need to decide to move on, slowly by slowly, you will. Delete everything that reminds you of her. you can also take on volunteer work if you have the time. Make yourself busy. Good luck.