Ever think you falling for some one you shouldn't be?

Hi all, I’m 29 years old and have been in a relationship with Deb for 5 years, the relationship has always been good and up until recently I’ve been very happy and confident about the relationship. I work in a particularly stressful job as part of a very close team, everyone in the team gets on very well, two members of the team even recently went on holiday together (male and female, one married, purely platonic relationship). Outside of work me and Deb have been planning to buy a house get married and eventually have children. Recently at work I’ve realised I have a what I can only describe as a crush on a member of the team (Niki), I have known her for a few years, always got on well with her, but never really been attracted to her before. She’s not what I would normally go for and she’s 10 years older than me, not that the age gap would worry me, recently we've had a few deep and meaningful type conversations (not uncommon in the team we work in as we are all very close) and we've also done a bit of flirting, she came right out an asked if I was flirting with her just because I wasn’t getting enough at home, I answered honestly and said I’m not interested in her just for sex and went on to say I can be interested in a woman for reasons other than romance and sex, this part perhaps wasn’t quite so honest as I am interested romantically! It’s taken me a while to realise it as it kind of snuck up on me (at first I didn't really belive that I could fancy her) and I haven’t had any romantic interest in any one other than deb in the 5 years we’ve been together. I feel a bit like a teenager again I can’t remember the last time someone simply walked in the door and said hello to me gave me butterflies and made me tingle. I tried to shrug it off thinking it would go away but the feeling just seem to be getting stronger, It’s now made me start to doubt my relationship with Deb, it’s made me think twice about buying a house with her or at least trying to delay it as we were hoping to start looking in the very near furture, but I love and care about her so much and I don’t ever want to hurt her, in fact I would stay with her just because I don’t want to hurt her even if it meant suffering in other ways (mine and Deb’s relationship is not in any way un-happy). I’ve been hurt myself in a previous relationship and it nearly killed me (literally) and took me 3 years before I eventually moved on, I just couldn’t do that to anyone. The thought of seeing Niki behind Debs back has crossed my mind but I know it could only ever end in disaster and would be unfair on both Deb’s and Niki, not that I think Niki would have any part in an affair as she’s very honest and moral (as am I normally). At the moment I can’t get Niki out of my head, I’ve tried staying away from her as much as possible but it’s hard bearing in mind we spend 13 hours a day sat six feet apart 5 days a week, when she’s sat at her desk I find myself glancing over at her every few minutes I’ve actually started to notice it affecting my productivity at work (not that this is to much of a problems as i noticed it I can control it). I love my job and don't want to leave, especially over a school boy crush. I've tried to keep myself busy with others things but everything just seems to lead back to me thinking of Niki, I even started to think of her during sex with Debs which just makes me feel terrible, in fact the guilt feeling has made me start avoiding sex with Deb! I dont think she has noticed yet but I know I cant keep doing this and I cetainly cant make love to Deb while thinking of Niki. I don’t really know what I want to get from this forum but any comments/advice is more than welcome hopefully I will get something more effective than the "pull yourself together, forget about Niki and be happy you have such a great relationship with debs, a great job in a great team and Niki a great close friend" I keep telling myself. I think more than anything I just needed to get it off my chest trouble is all of my out of work friends know Debs and all of my in work friends know Niki and there is no one else that I comfortable enough to talk to about emotional/relationship issues that doesn’t know either Deb, Niki or both. I think the biggest problem is I enjoy the great way Niki makes me feel, the butterflies and tingling and the way I can’t get her out my head which makes me wonder why Debs doesn’t (and don’t think ever has) make me feel quite such a strong nervous desire. I have considered discussing with Deb but while she is very trusting she is also very protective and I really don’t think she would take it at all well, she also suffers from bi polar so I’m always very careful when engaging her in any emotional issues and I’m really not sure I would know how to bring this up with her. Thanks for reading and appreciate an comments/advice anyone can offer, I also appreciate that compared to a lot of people relationship problems mine isn’t that serious at the moment and I’m sure I will come across a lot worse in my time.

I would weigh my fellings for both women carefully and make sure that your feelings for ninki isn't just a crush and not realize that after you have broken up with your girlfriend if its not and you think niki might be the one risk it and break up with your girl friend yeah it'll hurt but if its not ment to be it will be worse in the future after you guys ae married and have kids and then you reloze but make sure that u and niki might have a future that's what I would do