Trouble letting myself connect and feeling like there is something wrong with me

So its hard to know where to start, Im sick of feeling lost and feeling as if there isnt a single person in this world that understands me. People that barely know me say shit behind my back making out im this terrible person and to what they say i do not know its happened my whole life since i was in primary school, the worst thing is if they knew me they'd know how nice i am and how much i care the only people ever to see this of course are my partners, which never seem to last. I had such a troubled childhood without going into the incredible details i never really felt loved by my parents and my father was all about tough love makes you strong only ever telling me when i was doing something wrong, he couldnt say he loved me couldnt pay me a compliment only telling me i was a failure from such a young age and that i would never amount to anything, i moved out at 15 and rented kept a stable job, finished my highschool, got into uni and got my lisence. now at 22 im struggling internally and dont know what to do because i feel no one can help. ive been cheated on and betrayed by partners only adding to my feelings of self worth and can no longer maintain relationships with even the good partners because i find fault and cant seem to open up to feelings towards them instead turning them into irritation and resentment....... anyone have an words of wisdom or able to relate.

I'm experiencing something similar in my life right now. I was hurt very badly by my ex-fiance almost a year ago. He cheated on me and said a lot of hurtful things during the break-up and those things have stuck with me since. I went into a deep depression for months afterward. I have gotten better since and I've gone on several dates with guys but I haven't felt anything more than a friendship vibe from them and absolutely no spark. I'm also wondering if my experience with my ex has something to do with my inability to have a connection or spark with another guy. Maybe I have built up walls to protect myself from getting hurt like that again. Maybe you're in a similar situation?

Thankyou for your reply, thats very similar to how i feel, theres just no spark ive tried relationships with a couple of them one of my relationships was similar to the the first one and i feel that i felt more then than i have with the really decent guys, im currently dating an amazing guy, he's starting out in realestate very sweet, cares about me so much, so caring etc. we have been dating for 5months now and i care about him alot, but im not feeling like im falling "in love" if you know what i mean. at the start i was happier and once it starts getting serious its like a switch an something turns off, im worried ill never be happy to settle, is this similar to how u feel?

I dont think i completely explain it as i leave most of what im thinking in my head. its almost as if i am happier with the ones that cheat because i can predict that, but with a good guy they arent so predictable because you could fall for them and marry them, because you trust them then they could hurt you. its a difficult one to understand why we fell the way we do.

This message is almost three years old . How r u feeling today ?