My boyfriend treated me like dirt

my boyfriend has been treating me like dirt lately. He has given me all the reasons why he wants to finish with me, but confuses me by telling me he still loves me and that he wants to be with me. I have told him that if there is nothing about me that he likes other than between the sheets, then there is no basis for a relationship and that he should finish with me, but he won't. I feel he is just stringing me along so he has somebody he can vent his anger on. The other night, he turned up and when he was here, he told me that I didn't want him there.. I did, actually, but he had a face down to his knees and was acting like he didn't want to be there with me. I asked him to make a plan with me for the weekend, and he told me that I was too busy to make plans with him ... which contradicted everything I had tried to arrange with him! I told him that if he didn't want to be with me, he was free to go, but he then told me that I was stopping him from going out anywhere because I wanted him to be with me!!! (AAArgh!) With that, I told him to go, to get out, and get a life and stop blaming me for him not going out!!!! He went home and stayed in all night! The next day I went to see him and he was very verbally abusive towards me. He was calling me names, and telling me I was boring and no fun, and that I had destroyed the relationship (Ha!) No way!! I wanted to be with him, I told him so, he twisted everything around to make out I didn't want to be with him, when in fact he was the one who didn't want to be with me. I have now told him it is over, but I miss him terribly. What do I do? Go for change and a life of my own (which is very good, I must admit) or try to save the relationship? Someone help before I go out of my mind.

Hi cj It sounds to me like he is playing around with you, and you have been experiencing a lot of stress from this manipulation. As to why he is doing this is anyone's guess - from what you've said in your post, I can't imagine what his motive might be, or whether he is genuinely confused about himself. Maybe he is just really insecure or something, and is trying to suss out whether you really like him. Another reason for this behaviour could be that he has his eye on another girl? Perhaps he does have strong feelings for you, but is at the start of a new relationship, and he doesn't know what to do. By making a confused situation, he could have made you end the relationship rather than him having the guts to end it himself. That way, he doesn't feel as bad about it, because ending it wasn't his decision then - another form of manipulation don't you think? I think that you have made exactly the right decision in leaving him. If he wants to come back, then make sure that you get back together for the right reasons, and be sure that he isn't just going to waste your time. If he says you are boring, and no fun, then how can potentially many years together work, if he is saying this to you in the early stages of your relationship...?

hi. this guy is quite gamey and i think you have done the best thing by ending it. i was with a guy who played games and it got worse and worse and he almost drove me to insanity!. also, if he is verbally abusing you then it is likely that it will get worse too. so well done for leaving him. as to missing him, you have to go through those feelings but THEY DO PASS. youll be over the worst of it after a couple of months. you could make a list of what you want and dont want from a relationship and see how he matches up. also, bear this in mind when you are getting with the next guy! good luck x

Well guys, I found out tonight that he really only wanted me for sex.. How did I work that one out? Well, we got on very well for about four weeks - not one single row - and one morning last week I was feeling a bit nauseous (I haven't been very well lately). We are both very well known local musicians about our home town, but he has always had problems because he keeps telling me I have told him I am better than him, which I never have, and all this has come about because I teach guitar for a living. Well on the morning I was feeling sick, he asked me to play guitar with him, and even though I was apprehensive to start, as we always row about music whenever we play together, we had a really good time, even sorting out musical differences in timing to get a really fantastic sound going. Later that night, he dragged me off to see his friends band play, and then told me that I wanted to sing in the band! I never said any such thing!!! (I used to be in a band but he made my life such a misery that when I temporarily stopped to do my PGCE I never went back because I didn't want him rowing with me about it). This particular evening, all I wanted to do was go out - I didn't care where as long as we were out together. He started drinking, and when we got back to his house, he started drinking brandy coffees and started playing his guitar, so as the morning's session was so good, I wanted to join in with him again, but he turned on me about music again, calling me a sad B$%&£*d and a F*&£"%g C&*t, to which I took great offence and went to bed out of the way. That night he went and slept on the sofa. The next day I got more sick so I went to the doctor and have been told I have to have injections in my hip. Now if my hip is out of action, the last thing I will be thinking of is how great sex would be if my hip hurts so much - sorry, I don't think so!! The last thing I wanted was for my body to be moved in any physical way - but that does not stop me being able to deliver (get my drift). However, he has said that he never likes it one sided as it denies him the chance of giving pleasure. OK, I can understand that, and normally that is how it would be. But he is not prepared to take because he thinks that he is being selfish as I would not be getting any satisfaction. No he can't pass the buck on to me like that. Knowing that that is how he feels, I would get into bed and just cuddle in and go to sleep. However, this would leave him sexually frustrated - which he would never admit to till tonight when he told me the reason he did not want to sleep with me was because when we row, he feels emotionally distant from me, and that I don't want sex with him anyway. His words, not mine. I told him if that the reason we were not doing anything at the moment was because my hips hurt, and sorry for being crude, I can't open my legs!! He told me I was being common when I said that, but I was just stating a pure physical fact. Now I told him tonight that if he could not be in a bed with me without wanting me for sex when he was not getting it because I was ill, then he had no business being in my house at all and to get out and stay out. He told me then that I would soon get with somebody else. Well if I did that would be none of his business now, but the fact is I don't want to get with anybody else. I am auditioning for a well-known band tomorrow, something I always dreamed of but got pulled out of by him because I have been working my way up and have gained a good reputation as a musician. I have not told him, but he knows there is something in the air. When he gets abusive, he says things to me like "Oh why don't you go and join a band? It's what you would rather be doing than spending your time with me". Well without him in my life, I will either join a band, go on tour and change my life completely, which is what he expects me to do, or else I will have to call the police if he tries to cause problems at my house. He is so verbally violent towards me and so rude and abusive, I am sure he is schizophrenic and paranoid. The last thing I want is for him to turn up at my house in this state of mind again, as I work from home - I teach young children and young adults guitar, and do not want them to witness anything like that. I know I could take out a restraining order, but he would have to cause the problem in the first place for one to be put in place, and that would be too late as my student may possibly have witnessed it, and I have a duty of care to these kids, so I have to get it right. Any suggestions?