Sibling loyalty

My brother and I have been close our whole adult life (I'm 33, he's 31). 5 years ago, I decided to date one of his best friends. We dated for 3.5 years and were close to becoming engaged, the relationship became stale and we mutually ended it almost 2 years ago. At that time, I expressed my feelings to my brother that I hoped that the breakup did not affect their friendship. Cut to a few months after the breakup and I went to visit my ex because we had a dog that we shared when we were together and I hadn't seen him or the dog in 5 months at that point. When I was visiting him, I was on my way to meet him and his family for dinner and I got into a car accident right outside the restaurant where I was meeting him and his family. When I called to tell him this, not only did him nor his family come out to see if I was ok, he told me to "just come into the restaurant" when I was done with the accident. My back started to become sore very quickly after the accident, and by the next day, I was in such excruciating pain I couldn't move and had to go to the hospital. I was 6 hours away from home with a smashed up car and a back injury. My ex couldn't so much as be bothered to help me find where the nearest hospital was or to ask if I was ok. I was so disgusted by him and his families' lack of humanity in that vulnerable situation that I am repulsed by the sight of him even still 1.5 years later. He has moved on to other relationships as have I, but I can't seem to forgive my brother for still maintaining a friendship with someone who couldn't be bothered to come see if I was ok. It took me several months of physical therapy to not have consistent pain, but the emotional wounds seem to be taking much longer to heal. I feel like my brother has no loyalty to me that he would still be friends with someone who could do something so hurtful to his sister. The selfish side of me feels like he should cut off his friendship with him, which I know is probably irrational,but shouldn't families be loyal to each other? I'm just tired of being at my brothers house and running into a person who treated me so poorly, it makes me feel like my brother is choosing his friend over me. I know this is a long story, does anyone have a similar story or have any insight on how I should deal with getting over this? Thanks

Hi. From everything you have written,it clearly shows somehow you are still hurting from everything that this guy did but i think that is sometimes our siblings do not allow us to date their friends so that they dont find themselves being caught between their siblings and their friends. Im sure your brother knows everything that happened between you too but you have to know that they were friends even before you came into the picture and obviously they share a good friendship.It wont be fair to wanna break them up only because you were hurt in the process. As a matter of fact, i think its time you took control and showed that guy that you are happy, believe me,it will torture him and he will even see he missed out on a good thing. Men are weak, when they see you happy believe me, he's gonna wanna ask you out again. Give it a try, you will enjoy it and look sexy whenever you hear he's coming by, he will wish you had not broken up!

Thank you so much for your input! It always helps to have a fresh perspective. You're right, I need to start taking control of the situation and show that I am happy. You're also right that its not fair of me to expect my brother to cut off a friendship just because of a relationship gone sour. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess and I can't change the past, but I can change my attitude going forward. You have no idea how helpful it was to hear that from someone outside of the situation! Thanks again :-)