The perfect man and my ex

My boyfriend (J) and I have been dating a little while now and things are absolutely wonderful between the two of us, I've never felt so comfortable and happy in a relationship, and I could really see us making it a long way together. With that said, I'm completely content with where I am. But it seems there's always a catch- you see, before this blessing of a man came into my life, there were a long four years of my life completely dedicated to one man, and him only. Too bad (C) was a complete prick, and just recently left me to go screw a friend of mine instead. Lovely, right? I was a wreck, certainly. So that was it for us, our rocky past slipped his mind and I destroyed what was left in mine, set on finding a better way to live because let's be honest, our relationship was beyond dysfunctional. And I did exactly that, it took some time but everything seemed to fall into place, especially when (J) became a part of my life. But like I had hoped, that wasn't the end of it. The day we were set to meet up is when the awaited, belated "I'm sorry.." came into play. Mind you, we had no contact- this was sheer irony of an asshole. And the texts kept coming, it seemed there was new one for every time I had a wonderful day, actually forgetting about him a moment or more. But I didn't give him the time of day, once I told him that I didn't hate him, he may have been an ass but it was for the better. That everything was okay between us. He proceeded to say we should meet up because there's a lot he has to say, but I just shut him down and he got all pissy at me not caring. I let it be. A week or so later, there he is- standing right behind me causing my entire body to shake, and this feeling of panic takes over me almost immediately. We trade soft smiles as he walks away, but the moment effected me in such an odd way. I began crying directly afterwards, not hysterically, just uncontrollable. It's always a very intense feeling, scattered almost. Anyway here's my point; My relationship with (J) is very special, and like I said before hand, a majority of my love has been repetitively given to the same man, so I'm quite new to this, really. I know I won't do anything to screw it up, but I would like a little bit of advice... are these feelings I have just lingering? Should I feel guilty or is it normal? I can't talk to my friend's or family about it because they know my past, and bringing it up in a way that my feelings are still involved at all is just a one way ticket to disaster. I guess I just want someone to level with me, to say that it'll pass with time or something like that... similar stories? A piece of wisdom? Please and thank you.

Hi there I have been in a similar situation, you can be in love with 2 people at the same time, but as you have already said you put your ex behind you & met another wonderful man. The best thing to do is to ignore his texts/phone calls & if he doesn't stop then change your number. The only way to get an ex out of your life is to cut them off completely. The only reason he may be contacting you is because he has broken up with his last gf & is lonely so he's coming back to you, using what history you had together so he's not alone. Whatever you do you must tell your current bf, be honest, show him the texts. Honestly is the best policy, I didn't do that & i made a dent in that relationship. If he turns up, like mine did, either be civil or ignore him, he will leave you alone in time. It's very hard when you have loved someone not to care, but its because you care that they have to know the boundaries. Never let them get blurred you, your ex & your current bf would get hurt.

EL80, thank you for the response. I appreciate it greatly! I have told my current boyfriend and he is very understanding as long is there is nothing to worry about. And this is a huge breaking point for me, not to mention, extremely uncomfortable because I had kept it quiet with previous boyfriends in the past. (My ex has done this to me many times before, luckily I have grown up a bit since my last relationship). Your advice was exactly what I needed to hear so thank you, friend.

I'm glad I could be of help, I know what it's like & understand :)