The right thing?

Hi all - would very much welcome some direct advice from you folks who know nothing about me (or the other person) which means you hopefully can give me some objective advice/clarity! I met a man online in December 2011. We got serious pretty quickly then out of the blue he dumped me after two months! I was totally gutted & could not understand why so I bombarded him with texts, mainly asking for an explanation to give me closure. Within the month we met up, talked & ended up back together. Thereafter, he asked me if I wanted to move in with him (& my daughter). She, being the age she was, was having none of it but plans were made & all seemed to be ok. Then, within six months of THAT decision, he changed his mind! I kinda of understood why because of the 'housing' situation where he was living but hoped we could do a plan 'b' or 'c' and all seemed to be the case. We were ok for a bit and then I felt that he was not as attentive nor wanting to see me so often so we had a bit of a row, chat etc. and he more or less stated that he did not want or need a relationship. A bit more to-ing & fro-ing, another few 'words' then I was basically left on my own over Xmas with just a few texts from him, even though he knew I was estranged from my family at that time! I decided to end it due to this but then we got back together again. His workload has steadily increased over the past few months (still no plans to move in together) & so I have been seeing less of him & thought this would be ok for me. I then decided it was, and never would be, enough for me and ended it a couple of days ago. So in total we were seeing each other almost 18 months. The trouble is & although I feel I have made the right decision for ME, I am absolutely gutted and devastated by the way it has left me feeling! I feel like I can't live with him, but can't live without him either and cannot ever imagine me meeting anyone again! He is both the most frustrating & exciting man I have ever had a relationship with and even now I long for him. I know it was right for me to end it and to be fair to him he has been honest from the start - not a 'love you' kind of guy (all the girls love a bad boy!!) but why do I feel sooooo bad?! I have had to delete his number to stop me texting him because I don't trust myself not to! I am a woman in her mid-forties and cannot believe how badly this has affected me. Please give me some objective feedback & tell me this will get better!!

Hello Dixie, You need to get over him and take care of yourself and your daughter. Get some good support through therapy, find low cost therapy, or through other sources of healing. I've no idea if you live in an urban or rural environment, or how much access you have, but you have to grow to love yourself and not put up with someone who wastes your time for 18 months. You are obviously emotionally needy and he has abused that.

Emotionally needy - wow!!! thanks for that. Interestingly for those who know me best they would not say I was but it is interesting that you think so and I thankyou for your thoughts. If, indeed I am that way then methinks he has maybe made it so and I need to take some time out to take stock & grow strong again as I am usually that way!!! many thanks

I have experienced a similar situation. We have been back and forth since Sept 2011. I can totally relate and give you so much credit for having the strength to stay away. I am trying, but keep going back. I have just taken the step to call and make an appointment with a therapist because I don't have the strength to do it alone, but I know I have to do something. Bravo to you and best of luck!

I'm also in my forties, and it sounds like you know better but love the excitement. Don't forget women love a chase, and he's a chase for you, that being said you can't complain when the chase is still going.