My husband is a waste of space

Hi - I don't know why I am writing this - is it to get advice or just to get it off my chest as I have no one else to talk to. I have loads of friends but I am a very private person and am too embarressed to admit my problems. I have been married for 12 years this year and was going out with my husband for 6 years before we got married. Our relationship has been turning sour for the last number of years but now it has hit rock bottom. I have a husband who does nothing, takes responsibility for nothing, does not talk to me and treats me like his servant. I am the one who brings in the money, cares for our 3 children, sorts out all the bills and everything else that goes with running a house, family and cars etc.... He has been through many jobs over the last few years and finally decided to start his own business last year. But this has not been successful because he did nothing about it. He does not even have a website set up yet - he has been talking about it for 18 months. The business he is trying to set up is in the service industry and needs a website. He is just too lazy to get it done. But he gets involved in other things that has nothing to do with this family. When he gets involved in these things he never tells me about them - I end up hearing them from his family or people down town. He puts loads of stuff and his credit card and never pays it off and then every so often I have to come up with a way to pay it off. My problem is that I have 3 amazing children and I know that if we split up it would have a really bad effect on them and I would do anything for my kids. They are my world. It would also really disappoint my family if my marraige broke up. I know that is no reason to stay together but it is important to me. I am so unhappy with the person I have become, a person who takes his shit from him. I know I am better than this but other parts of me think other people are treated a lot worse and maybe I should be happy with what I have. What do you think - any advice would be good?! Or any thoughts or experiences?

I think I would suggest marriage counseling. Maybe he is depressed? Maybe something happened and he is just as afraid and embarrassed as you feel and doesn't know what to do or how to talk about it. If he doesn't want to go to counseling some friends of mine have said they framed it in a way that it sounded like they needed to go and asked their partner to go with them for support... Just to get them in there. I hope this helps. Another idea is to leave for a while, even a week. Give him a chance to remember all the work you do and give yourself a chance to rest and think. Have you asked him what is going on?

Hi - thanks for your response. Yes sometimes I think he is depressed. I got him to go to counselling a few years ago and it worked for a while. But he always goes back to the same again. I know I should probably be more supportive, but for once I would love for someone to look after me and to care how I feel (moan over!!!) I have asked him what is wrong and he just says he is brokne. I just looked up some marriage counselling numbers.

Why does he feel broken? I'm sorry that you don't feel supported or appreciated. Throw yourself a party or go to a spa or something that you would like.