Emotional dependancy, how can I know?

i'm in a real emotional bind right now and need some advice, i'm still really confused on what to do. A bit about myself first, i'm 25 years old and have never had a relationship before, i'm lonely and desperate to find love, but I have low self esteem and I suffer from depression and mood swings which makes me quite emotionally distant from most people. Recently I had a brief but very passionate fling with a close friend of mine. We briefly lived together for two weeks at the start of uni term, we got along really well and I felt comfortable telling her a lot of things that I don't tell anyone else. After she left She confided in me a month ago over MSN (she changed uni and now lives a long way away) that she had feelings for me, that she thought we really connected. I was really flattered, then scared, then sad. But I ended up telling her no... I told her that I love and respect her as a friend and nothing else. She said it was ok and we stayed friends. But she came up to visit last weekend and we fell for each other, it was the best/worst experience of my life; we didn't go all the way but we spent the night together as a couple and it was amazing. The next night we did the same but we talked about some things, she was worried because I had told her no in the first place and how can my feelings change so quickly? I honestly never saw an attraction between us before then, but now I don't know. I got really upset when she told me she felt used and we didn't talk for the rest of the weekend, we avoided each other and I felt really broken - like i'd screwed it up. She left yesterday morning and we haven't talked since, I get the impression she never wants to see me again and i'm really worried, not just about what happened but about her well being - at the end of the day I want her to be happy with or without me, and I somehow need to decide wether or not i'm just using her like a security blanket for my own issues or if I genuinely like her My question is how can I know if my feelings are genuine or not? I want to spend time with her to find out but because of what happened I don't know what to do, i'm a bit of an emotional rollercoaster now - I don't want to use her so I should forget about what happened, but on the other hand what if she's the one for me? and what do I say to her and how? I'd be really greatful for any advice :-)

first of all i think you need to focus on yourself and address why u hav low self esteem and work on that, because its important to address..and i can gurantee things would look up from there. are you distant coz u hav been hurt in the past? she seems to really like you, how does it feel now ur not speaking, do you miss her, or is it u miss being with someone. maybe u should confide in her and tell her how u feel. i think u do like her, there seems to be an attraction there doesnt there.. but maybe ur scared coz u think she may hurt u, or dont know why she likes u... sometimes u have to fight the fear to truly realise happiness..its not always easily laid out in front of us.. go for it!!!

Thanks for the reply Confused, I got to talk with her last night over MSN, we talked for over 4 hours about what happened. We're still attracted to each other which makes me happy but I admitted to her I have a problem and I need to deal with it. I told myself that after that Sunday I never EVER want to feel that hurt again, so i've done my best to remain positive and i'm gonna try to get some help with my issues. I talked to all of my friends who were all great and advised me similar things, I really want to give it a chance otherwise i'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life, I think she feels the same way :-) I'm glad I posted here, it helped me clear up my thoughts, Thanks again!