Hurt as to why when I really need my man, emotionally he is not there

Hello, i do love my boyfriend and i know he loves me, we live together after a year and a half, have said we want to marry each other, have children and be together forever..but i still sometimes wonder whether he really is the one for me. i just feel that at times he can be so thoughtless and it seems that he doesnt always understand me. a perfect example is today, i scattered the ashes of my grandfather, and last nite i was so upset about it, i tried to bring it up but he didnt really want to hear and continued to watch tv. i told him how i felt but he didnt seem to care...i returned from the service to him not really speaking to me and he saw me in tears but went out to uni not even sending me a text or email all day to see how i was..i again told him how i felt but it just neva sinks in with him, he said he asked me how i was... which he did but it was very brief. he then said he had to go and would talk to me tonight about it....which he never did. i AGAIN expressed how i was hurt that he didnt seem bothered about how i felt, but he didnt really say much and has gone out with his friends leaving me knowing i needed him tonight. maybe im too demanding, but i just want him to be there for me and show he actually cares.. he in the past has lost his father so i dont know if it brings back hard memories. but it seems no matter how many times i tell him or try to explain how he makes me feel at times things never change. he is good in many other ways and 9 times out of 10 everything is really good with us, but i just couldnt react to him the way he does with me at times... what should i do, i just feel so let down and hurt but i know leaving him would break my heart and i wouldnt want to let go over things like this... why wont he care or listen, i just cant see how someone can be so thoughtless.. thank you for taking the time to read and listen to this...

Hi, i read ur story and want to say one should also see the picture from other point of view.Ur boyfreind might not be in good mood when u were also upset(Due to some other problem (off/personal)). Might be he didnt get time to write u a email from off. when he tried to listen (in his upset mood) to about ur problem u give him very brief. I am not saying he is right but u should also ask about his mood.If he is watching tv despite ur bad mood then u can also ask about his mood or day in office. One last thing i would also say one will also listen you (whether his mood upset or not) if he really loves you a lot. Do Reply.Take care (It seems u really love him a lot ,he is really lucky)

thank you so much for your reply. i hav since spoken to him and he says that he finds it difficult to know what to say to me in situations like that. but i guess this means that he will always be like this. his father passed away bout 8 years ago so i think he finds it hard to talk about things like this, i cant begin to imagine how that feels, so i should be more understanding in that department and i will be from now on.. i had a long chat with him and i asked him whether he would prefer i didnt talk to him bout things that were upseting me or troubling me and that maybe i shouldnt depend on him emotionally like that, and he said "yea i guess so"!!! thing is he briefly said to me on the phone earlier that he was sorry and wished he could be more emotional.. but that was it. guess i should just accept that he isnt the kind of guy i can depend on in that way - although he was really lovely when my grandfather first passed away, but since then if i ever bring it up... but i guess people have different ways of dealing with things dont they. anyway, god it seems im banging on as ever, but thank u for your advice it was really helpful. take care :)

you know wot, just re-reading my msg i think i should start thinking of how he may be feeling i.e it must bring hard memories back, painful memories. thing is, i know i can go to him for things troubling me, but maybe if its to do with difficult situations like the one we hav been discussing then do u think i should just consider how he may be feeling and calm down a bit instead of getting upset. dear me... love that guy but relationships hey, so beautiful, but hard work at times!!!

Hi, After reading ur comment (i asked him whether he would prefer i didnt talk to him bout things that were upseting me or troubling me and that maybe i shouldnt depend on him emotionally like that, and he said "yea i guess so"!!! ) I would say you need to think about ur future as if we love someone it doesnt mean physical only,it has mental too.In love we need provide satisfaction and favour in each circumstances to our partner.If one is not (He) to his partner emotionally then there might be no love at all. My words may seem hard to you but ur lover should be the one that needs to provide emotional support to you, if he doesnt where will u find emotional satisfaction. I dont know much about u (ur intro) but just ask ur boy friend How much he loves you. Do reply, (Love always finds a way if exist).Take care.

Might be later in life he realize and provide u the support that ur looking for. So dont feel too confused now as i leads to confusion.

Hi, I just wanted to say that I lost my Dad 20 years ago and my son only last year, both of whom I was very, very close to, so I do truly feel for you. I do wonder perhaps if your boyfriend is reminded of his own loss and grief now, and because of this he is acting the way he is toward you, a kind of front, to enable him to shut out his own hurt, pain and reminders. We all cope with grief in different ways, and it seems to me that he is having some difficulty. I do wish you all the very best, you will never get over your loss, but you do somehow bit by bit learn to find ways of coping & living with the loss. Be happ, and all the best.

hi your bloke sounds just like mine! i've been with him for fifteen years and only now am i thinking of leaving him. we have had some really tough times with my daughter who has had to go to hospital an awful lot, i do believe that your fella will never be there for you he probably finds it hard to open up and cry with you when your having a bad time or even say he loves you or everything will be okay. my bloke has never been there when i truly need him and i dont believe that it means your too demanding we all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes.i do believe there are men out there who can hold you and make everything ok,i think you need to tell your fella he needs to either listen and really listen to you when you need him or walk away from this relationship. i can tell you from experience if your not with someone who really cares when the going gets tough that you will be very sad and lonely. if he truly loves and cares for you he will admit he needs to change, but be warned my bloke never has and i now have the difficult task of starting again. good luck and so sorry to hear of your loss x

i think you are right. i have been with my partner for 15 years and he has never emotionally supported me through bad times. He will never change which is why i am now ending my relationship with him. We have no real closeness in our relationship and i feel this is the reason why.

thank you all so much for responding to my problem, you all helped a great deal. things are all sorted, and it seems it was a rough patch we were goin thru.. relationships are really mad arent they, and hard work.. sometimes it feels it may be too much work but sometimes, and i mean sometimes its worth it because the good times will outweigh the bad... please holla at me if any of you ever have any problems, i would be greatful to help you x