Lost

I've been with my partner for about 11 months now. When we first net he was pretty much homeless and was a drug addict, taking heavy depressants and smoking weed. I was ok with it before as I understand what it's like to have an addiction growing up seeing family members go through it. Couple months into our relationship my partner decides to quit the drugs and went to rehab. When he came out he didn't do any drugs and he was eating normally. Everything was looking up for us when he got a job and we found our own apartment to live in. Everything was going great. We rarely fought and he was always home for dinner and spending time with me. Well about 4 weeks ago my partner lost his job, and since losing his job he's started smoking weed again. At first I was ok with it. He was smoking here and there. But now he's back to his old ways but worse than before. He's always moody, lazy and he's hardly home.. He's always at his friends house smoking weed and hanging out with them. I work a fulltime job and i am having to pay for everything which is hard since everything is so expensive.. To be honest I don't mind.. But the thing that makes me upset is that I come home and the apartment is messy and my boyfriend is either gone or sitting on the couch high off his face. He said that he leaves the house because sitting at home all day drives him crazy. Being at home drives him crazy he feels like he's a failure for losing his job and he thinks about suicide daily, but stops himself because of me. But I'm stressed too my job is stressful and it doesn't help that it feels like my partner is more interested in finding weed than putting effort in his relationship with me. He'd rather sit at his friends house watch movies than sit at home and do it with me.. All I want is his time. But it feels like I'm not good enough to have some time with him and he gets upset because he asks me to go to his friends house with him but I say no.. I work all day in a high stress job the last thing I want to do is sit at someone's house while they're getting high. My partner doesn't understand that. He thinks I'm too picky.. When all I want is to be with him chill and watch tv and talk like we used to. Instead I'm having to have a fight with him almost daily when he leaves and I'm usually the one in tears. I feel like I've been crying almost everyday of this month. I know I may come off as clingy. But I really don't mind him going to his friends but its like he can't even make an effort to spend time with me. I'm just so stressed from working having to pay for everything I just want to relax. I tried separating from him and he said he'd kill himself if I left him. We made an agreement that he'd stop the weed for the sake of our relationship but he couldn't even go one day without running off to his friends house to get high. We have very little money but when we do he'd rather use it on weed. And we have bills overdue and it's all getting too much for me, I just break down and cry at home and at work. I have no friends to talk to and since my partner post his job my family have disowned me because I'm labeled as a failure. I love my partner so much, I just wished he spend more time with me.. And make more of an effort to finding a job rather than looking for another bag of weed. I just feel so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of arguing with him and I can't leave him I want to be there for him but I feel like I'm the only one in this relationship. I don't know what to do.. Where to start I just need some guidance.

I have been exactly where you are right now. Same story only the names have changed. The stress was finally too much for me. I was hospitalized with high blood pressure, fired from my job because I couldn't quit crying, lost my house because it was tied to my employment and most importantly lost all the respect of my friends and family. I am still with him, but it has been a very long road. Three years later and at one time actually homeless, it is him working full time and having to keep our bills paid. He has changed his perspective quite a bit from those days when he would disappear to get high and I would either come home to an empty house or we would fight until he left. You can stay in the relationship, but it will be the hardest thing you ever do. I wish someone would have encouraged me to look beyond what was happening at that moment and really consider how choosing to stay with him would make my life much more difficult than it would have been otherwise. Only you know what is best, but please think about how a little hurt and embarrassment now might save you from a life of misery later on.