What makes guys *WANT* to do things for women?

Guys out there: what makes you actually WANT to do something for a woman? I'm not talking about buying flowers. I'm talking about something practical that she needs help with or doesn't know how to do herself. I ran into this time and time again with my ex-boyfriend (we were together almost 10 years). For instance, I asked him once to come over and plug the correct wires into the correct spots in my computer because I did not know what was correct and he is known among his circle as a tech god. He did it but thought it was ridiculous and that I just wanted him to come over. He said I just didn't want to do it myself. This happened time and time again between us, including lifting things and taking me to a doctor appointment when I was supposed to take pain medication before I got there and therefore not drive. Recently, it caused a fight with a new love interest (on and off for 2 years) which ended with him telling me never to call him again. This was over my car smoking, making a grinding noise and smelling strange while I was driving it. I wanted to take it to the shop and leave it. I called to tell him this and ask him to meet me there and take me home. (He was the first person I thought of because I knew he was off that day.) He said he was "getting ready to go somewhere with his dad." (I personally believe his dad subtly manipulates him and probably has all his life (of course I have never said that to him), which I believe was part of the problem.) I told him, "Don't worry about it; I'm taking it home," at which point the argument started. I am 37 and he's 38, in case it matters. It seems to me that women can't win on this. If we ask, we're being “needy.” If we don't, we “don't need him.” Men sometimes talk about wanting to “take care of a woman.” If that's true, why do things like this happen? This combined experience has led me to conclude that the idea of a man who wants to be there for you as much as he can and/or whenever he can is a Hollywood lie. Is it only certain women that men actually want to do things for that they can't do, don't know how to do or need help with? If so, what does it take? How do you win on this? Where is the line between, “You don't need me” and, “You're just being needy/don't want to do it yourself”?

Well it seems that your boyfriend isn't too keen to see you. In some relationships the couple are head of heels to be together, not that this is always a good thing. As a guy, I want to do stuff for a woman if we have a spontaneous relationship. If we both go out of our way to help and do things for each other, we both help out more.

So spontaneity is key? If so, please give me examples of what you mean.