Victim not villain

can u tell me why i am being made out to be the villain when i was in fact the victim. my partner has been abusive over the last 9 years but it has gotten worse each time. the last time he dragged me from my room as he didnt want to share a bed with a b--ch like me. he threw me on the bed bit my face twice and on the back of my head. smacked my head on the wall twice punched my legs and then pulled the door off my daughter wardrobe and then threw her toiletries at the wall so hard they exploded everywhere and dented the walls. the next day he asked if i was gonna carry the silent treatment on and spoil the weekend. i told him what he had done to me. he said he couldnt remember as he had taken 2 of his mums sleeping pills (anti-depressants actually) and had been drinking. he said sorry and asked if i was going to say sorry. i told him no as i hadnt done anything wrong. he then threw a fit and went off to his mums again for the weekend. anyway we are now seperating and he is making it awkward about the house. he wants me to move out even though i have no family around here and his mum lives round the corner. he has got his solicitor to say that i am the one causing an atmospere at home aswell as my kids. he has been verbally abusive and threatening towards me and his mum was round while i was out and went into my 16 year old sons room and told him how i was terrible putting them through all of this. she also told him he had no right to be in this house as he didnt pay towards the upkeep. he locked the lounge door so we couldnt get in and said it was his room and to keep out. took the only back door key so we cant get in and out of there. he then took my car keys and said he would give me them back if i stopped going in the room. he cant even drive. my solicitor sent him a letter saying that if the aggression didnt stop then we would have no choice but to go for a non molestation order. he has now got his solicitor to say that it is not him but me who is extremely aggressive to him and that i keep refferring to him as (nasty bas---d). i called him it once last week when he told me to, (go live in bobs house now you have put him in a fu--ing home). bob is my mums long term partner who is dying of cancer and has only a short time to live. i feel like everyone is blaming me for the situation and his sister, who told me she knows what he is like ,ignored me and my daughter yesterday when we saw her and gave us such an evil look. my daughter cried. for years i have had to put up with his temper and aggression verbally and physically. why do i feel so guilty. he acts like butter wouldnt melt and yet he can be nasty in our home with me and my children. he attacks me and now i am having to move out and find somewhere else. he gets to stay in his home as i cant afford to buy his share. he wants to offer me 11000 less than i am entitled to. i know i am rambling on but i feel like i am going mad. anyone any advice on how to get through this sanely.

Hi, please dont think you are alone, I too have been in a relationship just like the one you are describing here, it destroys you. You do truly need to get away from this person, not only for your own sake but for your children also. I would suggest you go to see the Police, they have a great many more powers now than they used to have in domestic violence situations. Clearly this man is very tied to his mother & I am certain women are the cause of men like this, we spoil our little boys & they grow up all to frequently to be little short of monsters. Go & see the CAB too, but for your own safety & that of your children call the police, dont worry about the mother, the sister, any of them, put you and your's first, you must. Wishing you all the very, very best, I truly feel for you.

The post above gives the best advice I would say. I just wanted to say, please don't blame yourself or let them put the blame on you. It seems as though he is manipulating the situation to gain more power over you. Document everything, everything he does write it down with dates and times etc, go to the police with it all and continue to report it all. That way people are aware of what this man is like. If you note everything down you will have more ammunition to throw back at him, if needed. Don't let him confuse you or make you feel guilty. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

sweetheart that bought a tear to my eye. please please NEVER feel guilty, he is a monster...do take the advice about the police..he sounds very dangerous and unpredictable, get you and your children away from that pathetic excuse of a human being. instead of guilt feel anger and disgust and believe that what goes around comes around.. and there is always sunshine after the rain..your tears and hurt wont be there forever and one day u can thank him for making u the strong independant woman that you are and will be. good luck, and the very best to you and your children and family :)