I have no idea what is going on

So, this is a pretty long story (warning you now). I started talking to this guy online about 2 years ago, a year after we met online...we met in real life. And now we've seen each other 4 times (very long distance). My problem is that I just don't know what is going on and what he wants. I don't even know if we are "together". I just came back from visiting him and it feels like I'm lost. I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to at the same time. I'm pretty sure if we did, it would really mean that it's over...and that scares me so much - even though I just want him to be happy, the selfish side of me doesn't want to lose someone so special. I love him, but I'm relatively certain that he doesn't love me. I think he is just too sweet and doesn't want to hurt me to call it off. He is my first everything, so maybe I'm just too attached. I've gone to see him, but he's never come to see me. We haven't talked since I've been back, and it feels like it's over. I just need to know how to bring this up, that I'm so unsure...about everything.

Let go hun. I think he has lost interest. Talk to him about it. There would be a better guy and long distance usually doesn't work. I think you like him more than he likes you and that's not good. Like I said I think he lost interest. But don't worry a better guy will come