Why do I push him away?

About 8 yrs ago I found myself in a bad place . I made bad choices and hung out with ppl who made bad choices too. I neglected my responsibilities as a mom and was truly at my lowest thus far in life. In my group of friends there was this seemingly meek guy. He offered his home as a place to play cards, and I was forced to listen to him talk. he spoke ignorantly about woman and life and it annoyed me. I remember thinking its too bad hes a douche cause he is kinda cute. Back then however there was never a moment that I wanted to have any part in pursuing him and did what I could to steer clear of him. Time went on, and we continued on with life in different ways, never giving him a 2nd though. Id run into him at grocery stores with his girlfriend and giggle that he looked quite whipped by this woman and he deserved it. About 3 and a half yrs ago, this man found himself in breakup. The woman he seemed ready to spend his life with, and begin bldg their dream house together decided half way through his pond was being built on their new land that she wanted to break up. She shattered him. He moved in with his sister, was forced to sell his share of the land he planned on making his home, and started going to the bars. Meanwhile Im in a dart league, and my friend tells me that this guy and his girl has broke up, and that he is lonely and needs someone to talk to. So here I am thinking how I felt about him a few yrs back, and I had absolutely no interest in striking up casual convo with him. I was finally done with needing a man and ok with being a single mom He got my number in the end, and for 3 wks persistantly made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He vowed he wanted to take care of us and couldnt keep from seeing me and texting me. He rocked my world and all the while I kept him at bay. I mean who was this man I thought I hated?? Why me? I layed down ground rules and he followed obediently. I was determined to do things with him differently and as honestly right from the start so there were no surprises. I let him come to see me but I wouldnt let him meet my kids.Sex was not an option. I insisted he had no idea what he seemed to be getting himself into. I was crazy with lots of baggage and a life long way of life that was complicated but responsible for who I was. I had asked him once why he felt it so important to persue me after such a short time of losing someone he loved without warning and his dream of happy ever after. (I believe it was a month after all this happened that he came back into my life.) He responded that I was fun. That I was, and I allowed that as a response b/c he had his hold on me no matter what he would have said. We ended up falling in love and it was a love like no other iv had. It was like all the heart aches and heart breaks iv experienced before now were stepping stones to what I could not believe, was the man of my dreams. He accepted the idea of my then one yr old and 13 yr old, and he worked so hard for the next 3 yrs to provide more than our family had ever been priviladged to be subject too. He bought a trailor on 4 acres of land on a street where we love and hang out with all our neighbors out in the outskirts of a small town. He guides me still in becoming the best I can be, and he is involved in all aspects of raising my children. He was made to be a ladies knight in shining armor and im still in awe. However, you wouldnt know it. We have our arguments and dont see eye to eye on things. Thats normal but, I tend to do stupid things that no doubt has pushed him away throughout these 3 and a half yrs. I accuse and suspect. I interiogate and verbally voice my jealously about him. Granted I know he is doing nothing wrong and he is not that guy. But my fear that he may find someone that fits his needs and wants more than me. That stems from my inability to complete tasks around the house. I never do as I say. I procrastinate, and get easily distracted. He pays all the bills with our money b/c I would put them off and get us into a mess. I cant cook really, and my attitude at just about all he does puts him in defense mode. I need help with all these things. Advice on similar feelings and successful ways to handle them. I feel rejected by him often and hate that he dosent tell me details about his work day so I can be a part of his other world in hopes to feel more of a connection with him. Tonight he told me he didnt trust me to go out to a bar with a friend. This issue is not a new one. Iv only been out to a bar with him during our time together, but iv been drunk enough to wherehe swears we will never go out again. I can say that we met and fell in love in a bar scene, and gradually found more peace at home. But I like social scenes outside of my back yard and he knows that. He fell for me b/c of that part of my personality. I love this guy with all of my heart and would never do anything to jeopordize our lives together. I tell him and show him in my ways daily. I have never gave him a reason to distrust me. I feel that trust is sooo important in a relationship and when he said he didnt trust me tonight, I couldnt help but feel our world togethercrumble a little more. Am I going to lose this man whom is too good to betrue? Or can I fix all iv damaged?? Please Help Me!!! unsubscribe

IN SHORT it seems you are doubting on him, you yourself have said that you trust him also and that he wont do anything wrong . if you are so sure about this man then it only means that you have got into this doubting habbit and for which you need to work on this problem of yours, its not difficult . try to get rid of this habbit, once you stop being over possesive your things will start falling at the right places, your decisions at home will be correct and positive and you will be able to easily take care of your day to day activities. all the best

Thank you for responding. I posted this in hopes that someone would give me advice about how to work on the issues I claim all my own. I know I need to work on me and it never occurred to me that my doubt was quite a key component. You made me see things in a different light and I intend to look into how to change this habit. Thank you again so much. I now have something to worm with.