Lost... so very lost

Hello. I am a girl in a ten year relationship. My boyfriend is a wonderful person who I love but I am not in love with him anymore. He got lost, we both changed and grew up ( together since we were 18). We have discussed things. We have decided our relationship is over/on hold while he finds himself again. Meanwhile....I met another man. The nature of my work had brought me in contact with this guy many times and from the first meet there was a connection. In march, he text me on a work relationship matter and since then there had not been a single day that has gone past that we don't talk. After the first night of casual messaging we met for coffee. We ended up spending around six hours talking, we hugged goodbye and it was electric. We met again and I explained my situation. He then told me he has three kids and is in the process of divorce. It had been four months and I have completely fallen in love with this man. We have slept together, steal time together and constantly message. There have been ups and downs. He has with-held information, he struggled with being really authentic and up front. He lives with his wife and three children and there is no divorce in motion. He sleeps in the basement. The "marriage" has been "over" for several years, but life is comfortable at home and they co-parent the kids. These are his words not mine. He states that in no uncertain terms the marriage is over but they have not figured out how to move forward....like who will move out and how to deal with the kids. He said they have Dad time and Mum time...separate parent children holidays. He originally stated his relationship with his wife was exclusively surrounding children's schedules etc. in the passing time he has told me that they get in great, there is no drama and they do not fight as he feels neither is really emotionally invested. Today he told me that his wife is now insisting on family time until someone decides to move out. He says they are in early stages of financial planning to facilitate one person moving out. He says sometimes he thinks it's no biggy that he will stay until the kids graduate and then other times he is stressed because he has fallen in love with me and feels he is living two lives. I guess my question is....what the hell am I doing. I love him, but he is not mine to love. I want him to put the kids first always, somedays I think this can work out with hard work patience and faith and other days I'm thinking...this guy is having is cake and eating it too. I need advice from "separated" co-ha biting patents who are child focused but they are not "together" anymore. I know I should run, or wait until he is actually divorced or living separately. I feel like a complete idiot even writing this, but this is my situation and I need help.

Hi EMMYOR, Trust me, this man you're talking about is a complete jerk. He is not divorced and neither he will ever be divorced. I doubt if he is really a MAN. Have you been to his house and seen what exactly the conditions are? I guess no. No dear, don't trust someone this much. You need to get a grip on your life. And as for the other guy, if you don't love him then tell him. Don't keep him hanging cause he is really expecting things from you whole heartedly and in the end when you'll not give, it will kill him. So my opinion is forget that guy with kids......and get a grip on your life. :)

Messy. Sounds like he is not really available and neither are you. You need to sort one relationship out before committing to another. I once went out with a guy who told me absolutely everything was honest and very trustworthy. Until his secretary told about his fiancé who lived in another country. His parents didnt tell me??? You talk alot about this other guy and the reasons why he can't be with you and not alot about why he can. You need to be strong, and sort your life out and stop worrying about his. My 2 cents, inform him you can be friends but until his situation changes nothing more. Things NEED to change b4 you can have a relationship, or sex for that matter!