Scared to death of losing him!

I've been with my partner for 5 years, ups and downs have happened n at one point he made me believe he had cheated on me, told me to my face & also the girl takes no mercy in messaging me out of the blue to remind me. Now he says he said it just to hurt me cause he was angry (don't know what I did to make him want to hurt me like that that night) now we've both talked to other people in the past n found out now I'm 11 years younger than my partner this is my first love & proper relationship and I worship the ground he walks on now when I was back at home (I moved away to be with him) a lad I knew kept telling me he loved me I had no interest but then kept trying to turn me against my partner n this lad was very controlling over this short period of time then my partner sent me a message that was meant for another girl n denied it I got angry n thought he was cheating still genuinely believing he had cheated I told this lad everything n he bought me alcohol which I necked down & ended up cheating with him now I stopped it it must have lasted all but 2 mins before I freaked out n cried n since then he's been blackmailing me for 6 months saying my partner never loved me I'm a dirty slag n no one will want me or care when they find out what I did n 2 days ago he gave me 24hours to spill or he will & add on more to make sure I'm hated. Now I did it after I got the '4 hours left tick tock' text after 6 months of this I'm on anti depressants n I took a bunch if pills as I told him if rather die than be without my partner they just gave me bellyache n so I told my partner EVERYTHING he's staying with me but I'm not too sure this is gonna go away I know I was wrong & I will never be so stupid ever again but he is the live of my life and I'm scared I'm gonna lose him... I just need someone to talk to I can't talk to my friends or anyone cause he wants no one to know n I respect that. Can anyone help? Please.

I really hope that this reaches you in time but everyone makes mistakes....even your boyfriend. If he truely loves you then he will forgive you. People will do any and everything to break up a happy couple. Blackmailing is a cheap way to do things because in the end they gain NOTHING. If he does not forgive you then he NEVER really loved you. I'm sorry but it is true. Just don't make the same mistake again and stay away from people who offers you alcohol with a smiling face! LOL!! Seriously...NEVER take your own life for NOONE!!! PLEASE!!!! Things get better in time and the best ending to your story is that u told him the truth and faced his reactions. He is a lucky guy to have a strong person like you! I hope that this help!! NO MORE THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE...PROMISE??!!

I feel awful every single day I'm on anti depressants n my partner now knows why it ain't just gone away I'm 21 years old Ive never been through this ever before I panicked n thought it was my only option if I couldn't have him... Silly, selfish and pretty ball less really easy option! Promise tho, no more thinking like that. I just need some one to give me the advice you just did not everyone is that judgemental as you have just helped me. Thank you. And no I shall never go near anyone ever again it's put me off ever going back home to where I grew up I wanna prove to him he can trust me again

That's right!! Relationships can be hard and I have been in your shoes. Doing things and not thinking and so afraid that if he finds out he will leave me. However, my ex was VERY abusive so I was holding on to air. He was all I knew so him leaving me was like EVERYTHING! LOL!! I don't know your religion but my God lifted me out of that. After I left every little thing I did behind his back was long over due. He deserved it all. That's MY situation. Now..if this young man loves you, as I stated before, and he's good to you, then things will work out fine. Just hold your head up and stay true to you both. As for the snake...he will slither into someone elses life once he see that you and your love is too strong for that. Take your meds and continue to be strong! I REALLY hope that things work out for you and I am here whenever you need to chat!

Thank you so much.. Means a lot xxx

It's just so hard the fact the one I love won't look at me talk to me I just want a hug I need a hug. I'm only allowed to sleep in our bed with him as my family are staying with us & he don't want anyone to know so its just keeping up appearances. I know things like this don't happen n then everything is ok but he's the only one who knows n he wants it to stay that way so what can I do. ? X

Allow him to get over what happened on his on but at the same time you guys need to talk about the situation. He needs to know how you're feeling. A long talk is what you guys really needs. Maybe a planned weekend at a hotel to just clear your heads. I do find myself not wanting to be intimate with my boyfriend in the presence of my family so it is pretty wierd. LOL!! Seriously...you need to express your feelings to him and allow him to do the same. Keep me posted!

He don't really do feelings never has so its gonna be even harder now. Thanks n I will do xxx