Totally confused...

OK, (this might be a long one) so just over 2 years ago I joined this language exchange site as I am a linguistics major wanting to learn more about Chinese outside of class. Around 5 months later I got this chat request from a 24 year old Chinese guy (I had just turned 20) who need some help checking over his English, which is pretty good, on his applications for universities aboard and would in return help me. After the first couple of months we really began talking, pretty much every day about anything really, and soon became good friends. Well just over a year from that first request he told me that he had feelings for me and was beginning to fall in love with me. Since I’d never dated (and I do mean never) and was skeptical about an online relationship I told him that I only wanted to be friends, despite the fact that I too was actually developing feelings for him. He then told me that it was fine and if I ever happened to change my mind he’d be there waiting though we still continued to talk just as friends. However I did eventually stop talking to him (a couple times actually) feeling that I was getting to close but every time I couldn’t help but to come back, I mean, talking to him is just so easy and fun. While though he was hurt and upset he told me that he was also thrilled and completely excited and we picked up like nothing even happened. Later, after returning from yet another separation, I ended up confessing how I felt about him, feelings that only kept growing after every time I left, and he was nothing but happy, understanding why I had left those previous times and that it was fine for me to have some space if I ever felt it was necessary. Sometime after I asked if he considered us to be exclusive and he’s response was “yes, of course, I’m completely serious about our relationship”. We then exchanged emails, pictures and later even began to voice and video chat with one another though after video chatting with him a few times I just find myself to be kind of physically unattracted to him. I mean he’s not awful and I don’t think of myself to be shallow (I mean I would rate myself at being just decent, if that) and I have had crushes on guys only later to find them completely unattractive after those feelings had faded, but whatever the case I still can’t help but to feel this way towards him right now. I still love talking to him and he tells me I’m beautiful (though that just makes me feel worse sometimes) however I’m just starting to doubt myself even more, wondering if I should have ever started a relationship in the first place. I mean there’s just so much else working against us it seems, one being fact that even though he’s leaving China he’ll be moving to Toronto which still isn’t close enough considering I’m from the L.A. area. Basically right now I’m totally confused about what I should do, I feel as if my feelings are just a total mess. I don’t know if I truly love him being that it’s my first relationship and I don’t have any idea of what to compare it to, I really do care about him, though maybe I just wasn’t really ready for a relationship just yet or maybe it’s the long distance. He’s looks are really not that bad though if he did change a few things (his style, haircut, etc.) it probably would make me a lot more attracted to him though I wouldn’t even dare to try that, I mean I know you aren’t supposed to “fix” people to fit your own desires. I really don’t want to hurt him again nor do I want to string him along, I just need some advice. Should I still keep our relationship going? Give it a few more months? See if I’m just somehow panicking over little reasons which will change over time, or if I’m just really not physically attracted to him, or at least wait until we actually meet in person? (which wouldn't happen for at least another year as of right now) I’m just very confused and want everything to work out for the best for both of us, be it together or apart.

Hi there Long distance relationships is always harder, and in your situation where you haven't actually met before is more difficult. If i was in your shoes i would most probably end it. If he really cares for you he would understand and you guys can still chat and stuff, and maybe if you guys meet up in a year and the sparks fly then go for it. Get out there and start dating and having fun, and having a real relationship, where you can actually touch the guy and hold his hand and go do stuff together. I know from experience that long distance relationships usually don't work out. But you never know, there is the special and lucky people that actually get it right. An attraction to your partner/boy or girlfriend is though very important, not being shallow. Its just that it never works no matter how hard you try to make it work. Best of luck to you

Well i haven't been back on here since i posted this topic though i was just curious at what someone might have said so here i am. I just wanted to say that while though i did have doubts i totally figured things out, it wasn't his looks that were the problem at all, rather it was ME. I've always had a really negative outlook on things and after seeing so many dysfunctional relationships around me i've developed some serious trust issues, especially in this area. As a result i became afraid and tried to self sabotage things, yet another issue i have to deal with, and since i already knew i loved his personality i blamed everything on his looks. After some major self reflection and discussing things with my bf everything worked out and i actually just got back from meeting him in Vancouver. Now its hard for me to believe that i ever had such thoughts in the first place. Things are definitely going great!

... strange i just noticed my name's changed, well its really me anyways.