I'm scared!

We are a "double family" both my partner and I have been married before, and we both have children from from our 1st marriages, ( I have 3 and he has 2 - who live with their mum - the youngest being 18yrs old, but none together.) My partner works overseas and has done for a few years now. Recently we bought a house in Spain to use as a holiday home but my partner now wants to go there for 4 weeks at a time every 2nd month. He is used to being away from home and his family as he has worked away from home now for 20years. When I first met him it was 2 wks away and 2 at home then 4wks away and 4 at home now its 7 away and maybe 1 at home!! My eldest daughter had a baby 6wks ago, my youngest has one due in June, My son and his wife have a 4 yr old boy and I want to be there with them and for them, I need to see them grow up, be there to help, give advice and most of all because I WANT TO BE AT HOME WITH MY LOVED ONES not in another country for half of the year. He says if I don't go we don't have a relationship but I am physically ill with the idea of going away for so long at a time. I am happy to go 1 week every trip but apparently thats no use to him!! Any suggestions greatly appreciated!

sounds like your partner is being selfish and not even beginning to understand your feelings or concerns. has he ever heard of the word compromise? or is it a case of 'my way or the high way?' blackmail is a very effective tool but only if someone is allowing you to get away with it. he sounds a bully and maybe you should call his bluff. the worst thing that could happen, is that he ends the relationship. so what! you get to stay here surrounded by your loving family and you will be doing what you want. agree to his terms and believe me (i have been there), you will end up unhappy and living a lie, just so your man gets his own way. if he wont compromise get rid and live your life the way u want to. good luck.

Hi thanks for your comment. I do feel he is being selfish by expecting me go away like that especially as this is a time in my life I have looked forward to - seeing my children grow up happy and healthy, becoming a grandma and watching them grow and develop. It's something you can never replace!! He thinks I am being selfish by expecting him to work overseas to make good money and as he puts it "set us up for old age" (he prefers me not to work so I can accompany him to Spain) but I feel you have to live and enjoy life now with you family as long as you are young(ish) and healthy not when you are retired and perhaps not as fit as you might think you will be! I Love him dearly and I'm afraid to call his bluff like you said just incase! I used to look forward to him having his 4 weeks away because I knew at the end of it we had 4 whole weeks together but in a short space of time he has changed. He told me I had changed from when we found out my daughter was pregnant , he didn't say how but if being excited at the prospect of being a granma again or worried that something went wrong with the pregnacy is me "changing" then he definately doesn't understand family life! or maybe the word jealousy fits the bill