He doesn't want to make love

I've been with my boyfriend for two years (with a 4 month break in between). Since we got back together we've been very happy and our circumstances have been working for us - he lives out of town so we only see each other at weekends and sometimes during the week. In theory this was great for me as it meant I had time to see my friends and I hoped when we did see each other it would make it more passionate. The past weekend however has proved different. It was our anniversary and we didnt make love once in two whole days. This was extremely frustrating and I got very upset. I know he's not trying to hurt me on purpose, but I felt absolutely crushed. It's not the first time this has happened either, it seems to be an ever increasing issue in our relationship. I know he loves me, but I FEEL completely unattractive and unwanted physically. Do we try and work through this or do I accept that there's not enough passion in this for me and try to walk away? I don't think I can bear not having him in my life. I also don't want to hurt him and his self esteem by splitting up with something that he thinks is incredibly trivial.

Wow that sounds really difficult babe- next time he is home why dont you suprise him with sexy underwear, think of what he likes eg: cars? bikes? james bond? and do a little research then suprise him by wearing something sexy eg: sexy racing flag undies etc! but the trick is to get yourself waxed from head to toe (not literally), get your hair and nails done, a facial and most importantly have a glass of wine first so when he turns up your completely relaxed and feeling sexy! if this does not work then at least you will feel sexy and cheeky enough to go get some somewhere else if needs be! but i could not stay in a relationship if i didnt feel sexy, the only thing it will do is get you down and wear away your self esteem! :) good luck! if your in the london let me know and i can give you advise on good cheapish shops for clothes and great beauty and hair salons x

if its always you instigating the sex, it might be a turn off for him. men tend to want wat they cant have...less is more. i'd advise you to look as sexy as possible, (sexy underwear and all) and then just not pay any attention to him in a sexual way. it will make him want you more...it works for me!

I recently left my husband after 24 years of marriage due to waht I see as total breakdown of communication. For years he withheld sex if we'd argued. He was also rejecting and disinterested in sex only a couple of years into our marriage. I loved him and couldn't bear to leave until recently when I realized it is over. He hasn't shown any affection or touched me sexually for five years. You might be better off ending this relationship sooner rather than later. You need communicaton, to feel connected and to feel loved and feminine, perhaps you could find this with someone new?

Hi katespana, Thanks so much for your thoughtful and genuine reply. I'm so sorry to hear you went through a long period of suffering like this. I can't say I know what that feels like, but I'm pretty sure I understand some of the frustration to some degree. I feel this is mostly very difficult due to the fact that he hasn't done anything wrong really. He isn't aggressive, manipulative or jealous, and he tries in other ways to show me he loves me. But after another fruitless weekend, I'm once again left unhappy and frustrated. I pretty much ended things last night, but I I know we'll talk tonight and he'll talk me round. If you feel you can share anymore of your experiences or advice, I would be very appreciative. Congratulations on taking control of your happiness anyway. I hope things are working out a lot better for you now.

I really really feel for you as i am going threw the same thing with my partner, we have been together for four years and he has lately gained 2 stone, although i adore him, he says he doesnt feel like he can be affectionate in any way at the moment, like you i am devestated, but you have to ask your self if you love him then you have to be patient, i know its hard and i cry almost every day as i feel so unloved and wanted, but there are many many people going threw the same thing and i think you have to give it 100% chance to work it self out, you probaly have spoken to him about this and you probaly got same reply as i did, to be honest sex is a sensitive issue to a man and i dont think they fully understand that we as women NEED affection not just sex, your not being trivial, your hurting and i wish i had a magic cure, all i can say is think about all the things you love about him and maybe write him a letter, sounds silly but i have done this, iv not given it to him, but if things get really bad then i will and it helped be to express my feelings by writing things down, I do so hope you work it threw... let me know and take care xx