Do I still love her?

I've been in a relationship for two years now and we have just moved in together (for about 2 months now), but now I'm starting to have doubts about the relationship. I thought I loved her, but now I am unsure and starting to panic. My partner is a lovely person, my parents like her and my friends and other family like her. We have both had very different up bringing's. She grew up in a single person, low income house hold and was adopted. In my opinion, sometimes it appears that her mum has been a bit mean to her. My childhood wasn't rich, but well off and I have had a lot of luck and privilege. That that has flown through to our adult life. My partner lacks self-esteem, is in an unskilled/semi-skilled job she doesn't like and wants to change but won't commit and is happily for a life-style that pays the bills. I on the other hand have a professional job, earn more than double what she earns, and I want a life that has more than enough money to pay the bills but I'm never going to be so rich I can retire early. As a result of these differences in world view and upbringing's I'm worried what that will mean when we have kids for our parenting style and philosophies. What has compounded the situation is I moved away for a new job and my partner ended up following me about six months later when she got a job. She has left her mum, her home town and has moved all her belongings in with me. She has struggled with homesickness and may be some depression. As a result there have been a number of arguments where I raise my voice. Some of the arguments are my fault, some hers. Long and the short of it, in these arguments my partner accuses me of being a bad boyfriend more often than not. When I am good, I'm the man she wants, when I'm not, she hates me. Last week we had an argument and she told me she was leaving (she often does, but never follows through). But this time I thought she was serious and I accepted the fact. I was sick of the arguing, I was sick of being accused of not being a good enough boyfriend, I was sick of not being able to do anything right, I would rather be alone and not being in trouble, than together and always in trouble. I thought that she could find someone better. There was no denying that we have different senses of humour, I’m blunt, she is sensitive, I’m black and white when she is grey and I struggle being empathetic and sympathetic. I even prepared to the story I would tell my friends and family that she was gone. Throughout the entire relationship I’ve been concerned that these differences may be insurmountable, but it some ways it seems that our differences make us a work. To compound this, about eight months into the relationship, she cheated on me (in my opinion) with a guy online. There was nothing physical, but there was an exchange of sexually explicit emails, and it was a two way exchange. I found out and when I confronted her she was ashamed of it but said it was because things weren’t going well with us and it just happened. I let it slide, I’ve never brought it up again, I’m confident that she hasn’t done it again, but there is a part of me that wonders if it could happen again if I fail to give her the emotional support that she needs. So, after our argument where she threatened to walk out and I accepted the fact and she didn’t, I did feel angry and resentful. Then, a few days after the argument, I made an effort to put myself in a situation where I had no choice but to chat to a girl that I had always thought was attractive and nice at the gym. The last couple of nights I have fantasised about courting her. I feel absolutely terrible about what that symbolises. Now I'm panicking and worried. Do I still love the girl that moved cities for me and adores me? Do I still want to share the rest of my life with her. I'm scarred that if I do break up with her it will destroy her and I may end up regretting it. I'm scarred that if I stay I will regret it and that we could end up with marriage, kids and a divorce. I'm scarred what that effort I made to talk to the girl at the gym meant. I don’t know if I still love her, I don’t know if I’m truly providing my partner with what she needs and if she can get someone better. I don’t know if there is someone else out there for me. I don’t know! But what I do think I know, is it is now make or break. Call it quits now, or stay and make a go of it. I’m sorry for the long email, but I thought all this information was relevant. I’m not expecting an answer, but some thought/ advice or questions to ask myself.

I think that you would do best with some space. Not time apart as in broken up but time apart physically. It seems like living together has put an added pressure on the relationship. To really figure out what you want you need to not live together so you can have some thinking room to examine the relationship, and not regret the decision to stick with it or break it off because at the time you felt forced into it. Some people need more time to adjust to one another but in my experience philosophical differences are too deeply ingrained and conflicting to work around. My x of 3 years and I had too many differences to make it work among other things. Remember that if you want things like marriage and kids to work you have to be on the same team. Also the she loves me then she hates me thing - if she says she hates you or doesn't love you its a bad sign. I can tell my hubby I don't like him if were mad at each other but I never say I hate him, and if he were to ask me if I loved him or said I love you, in the fight, I would still say yes or I love you too. Because a squabble shouldn't change that. Also the threatening to leave is a red lag if you think she really means it. You don't just leave the person you love, its too heart breaking and far more difficult than just a declaration of words.