Is it strange to be a 26 year old virgin in my situation and would most women mind?

To cut a very long story short my girlfriend passed away in a car accident when I was 17 and we were close from basically the day we were born and were going to get married when we turned 18 but my life didn't turn out the way I had planned and I went through depression. I chose to blame myself for my girlfriend's death and I become an alcoholic and got addicted to cocaine because I thought it was the best way to drown my pain and tried ending my life just so I could be with her again but I am still here today and after all those years I can say I am one hundred percent clean. I don't drink or do any forms of illegal drugs and I have turned my whole life around but I still feel empty on the inside. As much as I love her I want to move on because I don't want to live my life alone but there is a part of me that is afraid of getting close to another woman because I might lose them too and that might sound strange to some people but the last woman I got close to a few years ago passed away too so I feel like I have been cursed and I am not sure what I did wrong. I am not looking to lose my virginity just for the sake of it or I would have just gone to a prostitute and to be honest I am starting to think I might be asexual because I don't think about sex or have any sexual urges and believe my sex drive died when I lost my old girlfriend and maybe the best thing would be to date an asexual woman. I currently work as a musician, songwriter, music journalist and a part time teacher and some people might think having money makes you happy but I would trade it all in for just a few minutes with my old girlfriend because none of it means a cent to me. I still miss close to a decade later and some days I think I should have been the one who had passed away that day because she had more to live for than me and she was very talented and never got to show the world that. When I lost her I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend. Our Mothers were best friends so we basically were very close from when we were born and grew up together and for 17 years I only loved one person.

BillyJ, you've had a hard life but it sounds like you have turned into an incredible person. I am so sorry that you have lost someone so close to you, most people would not be able to really understand your pain, and no one should judge you on how you managed to get through it. I don't know who your girlfriend was, but I have loved people too. If I left this world, I wouldn't want my loved ones to pine for me. Life is so beautiful and amazing, and you can enjoy it, and love it and not be betraying her memory. If you want your virginity to be special and to keep it till your ready then that's what you should do. But be open to other people and woman in your life. Everyone feels that loss, of a best friend, even with a regular break up. Everyone feels like they will never find another love, never feel the same again. But you can, and it will be a totally different love and experience but one I know your old girlfriend would want for you. The woman who deserves you will hear your story and be blown away by your character and passion and will know that your love and affection are worth earning. Maybe the first step is just surrounding yourself with friends who are woman who will win your trust and give you a sense of security. Love will come after that. Best of luck, you deserve it.

i went through a really hard time and all i could think about was all the crap that had happened in my life, until one day i decided to turn my thoughts and life around. i wrote what i called 'my happy diary' every day. and i didnt allow myself to write anything negative. i soon realised that i had alot to write about and my views on my life totally changed. we have to remember that everything and everybody has a life span, but for all the people in my life that i have lost, i am glad to have known them. some friendships have been shortlived, while others with me for many years. thats just the way it is. but all of these people added value to my life, even if for a short time. and in knowing that i dont feel remorse or anger, because life has to go on. memories inspire me to search for more not less.. and i remember that I Have a Life, im alive, but some are not, so dont waste it, not for another minute..so get out there and find lots of stuff to write in your happy diary.. good luck xx