Need help immediately

hello...I don't know where to begin but I need advice from anyone....I will start backwards....my partner is giving me an ultimatum....I have one daughter she has three sons....I am to not allow my daughter to invite friends over or our marriage is over....yet her 19 yr old has invited friends over since he was 13....grant it other issues have arisen between us for the last 7 months....but to move out and end our relationship? her ex has custody also but when the 19 yr old was about to turn 17 dad said he is a grown man and needed to get out well he lived with us permanently but it did affect our week of being alone it was different but we adjusted to the week we had alone when our kids would go with their fathers....well my daughter has moved in with me permanently since nov because her dad changed....well this angered my partner because according to her our weeks together are ruined....I didn't get angry when her son moved in....it just seems so much is changing....but I cant ignore my child....when we met my partner confided that when she was pregnant with the twins she prayed they were boys if not she would abort because of a situation that occurred to her as a teenager so she did not want a little girl....knowing that I still loved her but I would notice she would not allow my daughter to be herself....but I monitored it....now that she is here permanently she has become so mean to her....I just need advice because right now I am caught between the love of my daughter and partner....please give me advice I am catching myself blaming myself....

perhaps it is you that gives her the ultimatum. if you cant do that them compromise is probably the best you can do. and try to arrange time for privacy for you two aswell.