I'm so lost

Hi I'm 17, a girl and I've lost my grandma a few months ago. She was 89 so she was a big age but she was everything to me. She was more than my grandma, she was my best friend. I miss her so much and I try to be strong for my brother, because he is only eight and I don't want him to see me like this but I really need to talk to somebody who knows what it's like.

Hi, i'm really really sorry for your loss and I know that it must hurt so much and be really painful to carry around. You shouldn't have to go through this or feel this way and i'm sorry that you do!! I was 8 when my dad died and to this day, obviously it is the most upsetting thing that has ever happened to me. He means so much to me like your grandma does to you and it still makes me so upset that it's something that can never be taken back. I know you want to be strong for your brother and trust me, I feel the same way about my family and not wanting them to see me upset. It sucks so much and I'm sure that you don't want them to see you upset or to worry them or anything and that's really brave <3 At the same time though, keeping in all that hurt and pain really doesn't do anything good for you!! It makes you feel crappy and down all the time, it kind of makes you doubt yourself,f and it's taken me to some pretty bad places tooso in all honesty, I know it's hard, and I don't really like talking to people about my problems but you really should. It might feel awkward or upsetting or like you're a burden at first but in the end, it really does help and it might make you feel better, if only a little. Really, just a friend or even a grief counsellor or someone who understands can help to lighten the load a little. Sorry if this is no help and i'm so sorry about your loss, it doesn't exactly get better but it does get easier to deal with and you learn to live with it and cherish all of the memories you had together. I hope that you find some kind of answers and someone who you can talk to!! <3