Baby daddy drama....should I give in?

I literally had one of those cases of "I didn't know I was pregnant". I had a beautiful baby girl unexpectedly, with a guy I love and had been sleeping with for four years and who only wanted to be fuck buddies. I wish things were different. It is such a messed up situation. The min I told him he said "I guess it's not mine" when he knows full well that I lost my virginity to him and have only slept with him for all of these years (he cant say the same). There is a 9 to 10 year age difference (I'm 25 yo) and he has a 16 yo daughter. For a day after my baby was born, he denied our baby. then he just changed his mind. I embraced him whole heartedly and immediately forgave him for the hurtful things he said (like so many other times). He introduced our baby to his whole family and proudly declared that the baby was his. I thought things were finally good between us. But they weren't of course. He would only give me $20 a week for our child (if i didn't ask for it, I didn't receive it). My parents (we are poor) spent thousands of $ on credit to provide for my child. The father of the baby had two steady jobs but adamantly declared that he couldn't provide more than that (learned later that that was a lie). As soon as I was physically capable, we started to have sex again (I hid this from my family bc I was ashamed). He would throw hints about possibly having a relationship and then just back off and be cold. I took it as him at least warming up to it (selfish, I know). He would visit my house and bring his other daughter, Amy. Amy is a sweet girl and she loves her baby sister. Despite the bd's(baby daddy) inadequacies as a father, I made sure that Amy spent time with the baby.i thought eventually that he would fall in love with the baby and want to really step up by not being late for his visits, providing more financially, and just taking full responsibility. Now to cut to the chase (lol, finally), I found out that he was seeing a another girl and that he has lied to me about why he couldn't provide and why he was always late. The girl had gone through his phone and saw our flirtatious texting. she decided to reveal herself and the bd's lies by sending a photo of her next to him while he slept (creepy and trashy). We had a long convo and became friends (weird I know). So apparently my bd was having unprotected sex with this girl while we were together (I have always made him wear a condom). in fact, he was with her when I called him to say that I had to take the baby to the hospital b/c she was having respiratory issues (in hospital for 5 days and he didn't stay one night). He told the other girl it wasn't a big deal and he told me he just couldn't get a hold of his mom's car to stop by (he lives with his mom). He was also spending money on dates with her, buying and smoking weed, and drinking alcohol excessively. I confronted him and He admitted to everything, including the drinking and weed, but said that that was on his own time and that he wasn't that high when he would see the baby. I told him he couldn't see the baby until he went to aa (he's a binge drinker) our at least joined some type of support group thing (I had been going to mommy group since the baby was born). I knew he had problems before, but he had said that he was going to stop several months before the baby was born. I had put it out of my mind because I didn't believe he would visit and carry an infant while under the influence (he admitted that he was high sometimes, but was perfectly "safe"). He hasn't seen the baby since (it's been 6 months since this happened) and he hasn't taken any outward actions to prove that he would be safe and responsible around our child. The sad thing is, if it weren't for the baby I would have automatically forgiven him (I love him that much). But because that isn't the case, I can't in good conscience (I won't let anything hurt my baby!) do that. Me and the other girl are good friends (it's weird I know) and guess what...she is now pregnant. Guess who the dad is! Now all the bd does is try to guilt me into letting Amy see her baby sister. I really want to but I know it is a ploy to get me to let him see her. He even said that he wouldn't let Amy be a lone with my family for fear that we would hurt her which is ridiculous (he doesn't want us telling her about the other baby). I guess I shouldn't have so readily accepted him when he said he didn't want to be in the baby's life when she was first born. I think that at this point, he is just trying save face with his family. All he has ever done is text me and start arguing. I just want him to finally do something that shows that he wants to see his daughter (other than just badger and guilt me in the hopes that I would give in). I feel so bad about the whole Amy situation. That is what makes me just want to give in. I love that girl. I used to take her to school and just hang out. We were friends and she lovesmy baby. The bd knows what buttons to push in making me want to give in. The baby is going to be 1 soon and the guilt just keeps building. I told him to take me to court if he can't join a group and he usually responds angrily and says "hell yeah I'm going to take you to court. You won't let Amy see her sister!" He knows I love his daughter and he is holding onto that card to hurt me. He makes me feel selfish. I would let Amy see the baby if I didn't know the bd was so manipulative and would use that in order to see the baby himself. I don't know what to do or if I am doing the right thing. I know I am not a vindictive person I don't hate the other girl and (oddly enough) I don't hate the bd. if he just showed me he cared with actions he would be in the baby's life. Unfortunately, at this point he is just a biological father where as my own father has been more there than anything. Talk to me ppl, this is a lot of drama, I'm kind of close to losing my mind.

If you can find a way to talk to both him and Amy, preferably some where safe, in a public place maybe, and preferably with a third person present, and definitely without your baby there. (proper counselling session if you can afford it maybe?) Then maybe explain it simply to Amy in front of her father. "Your father has a drug and alcohol problem and I will not let him see my child because of it. He will not let you come around unless he comes too however. We all have to respect your fathers wishes but I and (baby's name ) hope to see you again when you are legally independent. We will miss you." If you can't manage this safely (and please do be careful about him exploding or trying to kidnap the baby) then leave it as is. When Amy is legally independent you can contact her again and explain. I don't think there is much else you can do. Goodluck

You seem like such an awesome person with good, loyal qualities - and this manipulative personality has kept your from getting out from under his reach. I laugh at his threats about going to court because you are a much, much more level headed person (it shows in how you express yourself) that would probably be given full custody. You have every single right as the sole parent to make all the decisions regarding when your baby sees the father/other children from that father. All he does is give you money occasionally - and not that much, and when it is only the very easiest amount to come by. There is such a low amount of effort in it; meanwhile, you are doing everything you need to do and from the sounds of how maturely you think about things, you are probably a great parent. Any reasonable judge should be able to see that - and if for some reason, that didn't happen, if I was in your position, I'd do everything I could to appeal it until someone listened and saw how good of a parent you are. That being said, he is exhibiting textbook manipulative and emotionally abusive behavior. He'll do anything to keep you under his hold, and if that means saying shitty things to you about not wanting to come around because of him and then blaming you for not letting the baby see her sister, then by god, he'll do it. Call him out on it and the REAL reason you don't want to come around - HE is THE PROBLEM. He needs help, he needs to fix himself, he needs to get it together and quit trying to control people over petty things and realize that you don't want a lovely child you have had the opportunity to lovingly mother be around such insanity as he creates in his life. I want to tell you, don't feel shameful about your story. It's important to remember that we get caught up with the wrong person who has played out vulnerabilities that normally, wouldn't be a problem for you and that a more decent human being would not take advantage of. It's how abusive types, who are train wrecks as people, drag you into their hell, even if you weren't a person with a lot of problems beforehand: they hook you in and try to keep you there at all costs. Feeling weird about being friends with the girl he was sleeping with is understandable. While you might struggle with the idea, you have something in common with her that other people may not understand - you relate to the way this controlling and out of control person has negatively affected your lives. You can seek solace and inspire each other to be strong in dealing with this kind of personality. The last thing I'd like to say is, don't give up. Remember to respect what your heart knows is the best choice in this situation, and try to make those choices as much as you can. You will find yourself in a life so far removed from the insanity of this one where your baby's father is a negative influence that you will literally be out of his reach. Don't give up, be good to yourself, continue being good to your baby and letting that motivate you, and I wish you the very best. <3