I miss my wife, my friend.

We just moved overseas and I'm feeling the stress of assimilating. All I really want is someone to talk to. I want to feel the bond of a relationship that will help me get through life a bit. But we are in disconnect and with our two boys keeping us so busy, it's hard to have energetic free time to maybe communicate more. In fact I don't know how well we communicate anymore. It's kind of dysfunctional and I want so bad to have a romantic friendship with her again but I can't seem to be able to make it happen. I'm craving emotional connect and the feeling that I am important helpful and loved by someone. So what can I do?

What do you think would happen if you tell her things in the same way you've posted them here? You never know until you try, so you might as well try to build the bridge and let her know this is how you feel. And you never know that she also may be feeling the same way. Try to get settled in better, and if the least you can do to try to relate to one another is that you share the burden of assimilating in this new place, then so be it - it'll be different, but you'll be connecting. When things settle down again, try having a schedule you know you can both live with and be happy with that allows for time spent together. Making a bit of time for the simple things is important and will help your bond for sure. Best of luck to you :]

Actually I have told her. But we are different people that way and she has a hard time understanding the personal connection I need. She keeps to herself more and even though I feel like it might do her good to be more affectionate it is not what she seeks. Plus when I try to express my needs she tends to interpret it as a criticism of her even though I explain to her that it\\\'s about me. That\\\'s part of the odd dysfunction. She gets frustrated that I am expressing these thoughts and I get frustrated that she is defensive. I do want to make more time and maybe with time it will start to take care of itself, but right now I am just so unhappy. She says I should find some friends and I will. I always do. But what I need from her, I don\\\'t want to fall into a situation where I think about getting it from someone else.

Oh I see. Well, I've dealt with my fair share of distant, aloof people who fill up their lives with too much 'alone stuff.' Who didn't want to connect and have that with me. And when I brought up feeling lonely, you guessed it - defensiveness and reacting instead of responding and reflecting ensued. she might not change. That's the reality. But you can try your damndest and hardest to show her the err of her ways. Remember not to get mean or passive aggressive (I get the feeling you wouldn't anyways) but tell her straight up that things need to change. If she wants a loving relationship with her husband, you can't be treated like something you pull out of a box when you want it because you're done doing all the other alone stuff that you like to do. You definitely need, want, and crave more than that. Getting friends is not going to solve your marriage problem; it'll temporarily solve your loneliness-within-your-marriage problem. She needs to realize that even if you get some really good, supportive pals that you can connect with, you need that good connection with HER. She probably has trouble accepting the criticism, even if it is true, because she is taking it too personally. Tell her you aren't telling her these things to be hurtful or mean - you are bringing issues to her because you want them to be solved and bottom line, above all, you want a better relationship. Hopefully this works out okay and she understands.

Yeah. That's it. I feel better just hearing that you understand what I'm dealing with. I'll keep trying and be as straightforward as I can. I've told her that I just want our relationship to be a strong one. Hopefully all will work out. Thanks so much Sissie. :-)

It has absolutely been my pleasure and joy to help you. I wish you the very best. :]