Am I only a friend with benefits?

I have been seeing someone for about 8 months. it started out as friends the first few months, as I was dating someone at that time. For the past 6 months it has become a fwb (friend with benefits). I am very confused for the following reasons: We see each other 5 of 7 days a week (and majority of the time there is no benefits involved) I have met all of his family and friends, and am invited to all gatherings I am not hidden away, we go out together, spend entire weekends together, there has not been one weekend that we havent spent together for the last 4 months. I have stayed with him at his parents home and his sisters home. We have spent every holiday together. Everyone thinks we are a couple While we have been out, if another man talks to me too much , he gets jealous. Every time he gets drunk, he tells me he loves me, he wants to be with me, I am more than just a fwb. He hasnt went out with anyone else since we have been fwb. (neither have I) He and I talk every day. He does things that fwb shouldnt do as far as im concerned....for example i went over to watch a movie two nights ago, he had the fireplace going, blankets and pillows in front of it, etc.... He holds my hand and shows me alot of affection, when we are out and also when we are home doing nothing. I have developed feelings for him and would like more, and he says we are best friends with benefits, and he likes the way things are, and why cant I just go with the flow. until he has had a few drinks then he loves me, wants to be with me, im the best thing ever bla bla bla...I have noticed his family isnt very good about talking about feelings, pretty sure he grew up thinking men are supposed to be men and not show feelings or be emotional. But this is driving me crazy....i dont know if I should walk and never look back or if i should hang in there considering there isnt anyone else involved and see what happens.

You need to stop giving him sex and back right off, not seeing or contacting him, to see how he reacts. If he comes after you and says he wants more than just sex, then make him prove it. Otherwise he is just using you. "I love you" is an easy thing to say but more difficult to prove by actions.

Sharelle, we dont have sex very often and I have stopped giving him sex the past two weeks, and yes he still calls invites me over, takes me out, etc...Thats why I am so confused :(

Hi, I saw your story and it speaks to me because I was in a similar situation a few years back. I was a fwb to my best friend for a while. He was in another long distance relationship and told me that when he saw her next he would break it off because he loved me. I was young and didn't see a problem with this, probably because I thought he actually did love me. Long story short he ditched me a few months down the line and I was heartbroken. I know none of this is relevant to you but still it explains me a little bit. At first I thought this guy was a git, I thought he was just using me for sex and I was furious with myself for that. Then I started to realise, what was the point in regrets, I loved him at the time, what happened was wrong but it happened and I cant change it. Then I started to wonder whether maybe he was just as confused as I was, maybe he was in a loving relationship with two people (I'm still thinking about this one, I havent quite decided yet). I think sometimes guys just don't know how they feel, especially if they are from a background that doesnt talk much about emotions. I also think guys (the same as girls) can be scared of change, especially if they are new to relationships or have had a traumatic experience in the past. It might just be a case of talking to him about the situation, he'll say "why change something so good" and you have to try and convince him. I know its hard, I have been there, but he needs to realise how this situation is affecting you. If he really cared for you he wouldn't want you to be hurt. The hard part is that this might involve losing him, but you need to know that if that is the case then you will find someone better who appreciates you and loves you. The important thing is that a label on a relationship isn't just a label, its terms and conditions that prevent you being screwed over further down the line. It might not be important to him but it should be if it is important to you. I hope this helps and you sort out your problems. Keep us updated xx

First , thank you for responding, it helps knowing someone has been in a similiar situation....When he and I first became friends I was seeing someone and he was in an 8 year relationship (but it really wasnt a relationship, they never saw each other, they hadnt said i love you for over two years, no sex for around 8 months). I stopped seeing the person i was seeing and he recently completely ended the so called relationship he was in. I KNOW he isnt seeing anyone else because he always invites me everywhere he goes, and he lives in bfe and doesnt have cell svc there, so when he calls me it is always from his home phone. I am torn, on one hand I am saying well he isnt seeing anyone else so as long as he isnt whats the big deal. On the other hand, I am thinking why cant it be called a relationship, we really are in a relationship, theres too much between us for just fwb...at least I think so....Then again, i am like well sooner or later something has to happen , he will HAVE to make a choice....but will it? or will we continue with the way things are.....I ask myself what would happen if I go out with someone else, but part of me says ok if you go out with someone then he is free too also....and will i just be opening myself up to be hurt at that point... Heck I dont know whats going to happen...or how i feel anymore :( and I feel like what we have is more emotional bonding than sexual.

Honestly you have to talk to him. It is scary starting a conversation like this when you don't know where it will go but you need to put yourself first now. You don't have to be aggressive or give an ultimatum, stay calm, tell him how you feel, and be open to things. He might not know what he wants, Im pretty sure he wouldnt want to lose you. Just give him a chance, if you think he loves you then I'm sure your right, we seem to have an instinct on these things. At the end of the day if you want him to be your partner then you need to be able to tell him how you feel, he may not feel that way but if he understands why you do then it will help him a whole lot. Theres nothing wrong with asking for a little commitment, because if that is how you feel you will just make yourself miserable pretending you dont feel that way and going along with it.