Confused need opinion

Hallo. My problem is relationship related. Me and my husband fell in love and got married 3 years ago against my parents wishes but with acceptance by his family . He is 36 and I'm 29. He is kind to me otherwise except during anger. The differences are mainly because I am an atheist, he is religious, I do not believe in traditions like wearing ornamentation and he does. I do not like cooking and prefer to be childfree which I had communicated before marriage very clearly. He seemed to think I would change. His family is traditional and is difficult for me to belive in their ways. But i do not interfere. Yet he tries to impress on me the need to wear stuff and pray. He keeps saying I'm not a woman because I don't like all the above things. That hurts me. I had an abortion recently and initially be told me that it was up to me. After doing it he says I'm selfish and I only think of myself.I know that this was not by my consent and he was the one who wanted to wing it during the fertile phase... if I cry he gets more abusive with words..... if I smile and pretend it didn't hurt me then his recovery to normal behaviour is quicker. I cannot fathom what's going on.....

Marina, he is controlling and uses religion to justify himself, get out, why be somewhere that you clearly do not fit. Who on earth really thinks that they can change anyone? or that they will change? unless they believe the can use force to change them, and using anger and hurtful remarks is a way of intimidating someone, is that what you signed up for, perhaps your parents were right and they saw him for what he is. Get out before he really loses it.

Thank you so much for the reply. You put in a good perspective. The thing is he fluctuates. At times he tells me if I want to be that "forward-thinking" then I ought to have the capacity to face the world. I did forget to mention I live in this traditional society. What hurts me is the attitude. The way of looking down on me because I do not subscribe to their beliefs. At other times I am treated as if I'm his whole soul. This Dr. Jekylll and Mr. Hyde is stressing me. I know my parents were probably right. Now my pride prevents me from acknowledging it. I know thats wrong... Any other insight would you have ? Thank you!

Marina, forward thinking means you think about what is best for you now and in the future, and do not be caught up in his talk, that is where the control comes in, as far tradition, really? what is so traditional that you stay and accept someone who verbally abuses you, puts you down and swears at you,, you have an abortion he says you can do what you want, then abuses for it, get over the attitude that is his problem not yours and you do not have to endure it, and let me tell you read what you write , he ACTS like your his whole soul, if you really were his soul he would also treat you that way always And if you had any pride you would never let anyone treat as bad as you describe, it is better to have real courage and walk away then be a door mat to save pride, and from what? you think people are really stupid and do cannot see you his door mat, where is the pride in that scene.

Thank you melrose !..Sorry for the delayed reply. My modem burnt out and I couldn't come online. Things are the same so far. I'm gathering up stuff slowly so as to be able to leave peacefully. I cannot be a doormat and live as you say. If he felt I was his soul then he should treat me like one. He can't stand beside me and he can't stand against me either. I cannot respect such a person. I am gonna give one last try by speaking it out. Otherwise I have to leave.

Sorry double post. But marina and mariala are the same person. sorry about that mistake...