What's wrong with me?

KICK_ROCKS - Nov 5 2013 at 04:48

Member since Nov 2013

Alright, this might be a little long, so hear me out. About two years ago we took a family trip to Modesto, California, I met a girl Called Dalilah(Im going to call here Lila) i almost never noticed her, and im pretty sure she never noticed me either It wasnt until last year that i first noticed her, when they came to my house for a party, (I live in Los Angles for the record) From what i remember i was the one who first talked to her and her sister (laura). Ill be honest i dont remember what we talked about, but it was far from flirting or smooth talking, it was more like meeting a stranger. Anyway there was nothing speacial about that night. The night of the party i hanged out with both of them and we talked most of the night, after the party died down, i headed to the living room beacuse one of the guest took my room, so i had to stay in the living room, Lila and Laura stayed in my sisters room, or at least they were supposed to, They apperantly asked if they could stay in the living room, i didnt know what to do beacuse there was only one couch, and a recliner, Laura right away took the recliner, so me and Lila just chilled on the couch, We started watching some scary movies, after about an hour into the movie Lila layed down, and her head was pretty damn close from my lap, which at the moment i saw kinda uncomfortable beacuse we were still kinda strangers, i didnt say anything though, I dont remeber anything else, im pretty sure i went to sleep. Okay so the next morning, They left. After all the goodbyes, i sat at my couch, and man i felt so lonley, and almost kinda of a sad feeling. it was wierd. I think it was at that moment that i realized that damn, i think i like her. So for about 2-3 days after they left, i would text lila (we exchanged numbers). We only texted for about a week. OKay so zoom forward about 3 months after they first came, they come over once again, this time its diffrent, We talked much more, i realize i talk to lila more than laura, and so her mom takes notice of this to. Her mom tells asks me if i like lilah, and i say no. it doesnt satisfy her. She keeps going at it, and by this point most of the family thinks that we are madly in love. oh great. She knows of this too and just tells me to ingore it, so i do, Okay so this time when they leave, i got sad, like real sad. You can even say depressed. i wouldnt eat. i couldnt sleep, and i wouldnt want to talk, this went on for about three weeks. About 2 months later, we end up going back too Modesto, I decide that i want to keep talking to her, so i did, and we hanged out for the time that i was there, but it was on the last night that was there that is the whole reason i begin to get feelings. Last night in modesto, They throw this huge birthday bash for my cousin, Which for the most part was fun, but most of the night was uneventful, once again at the end of the party. They has a jumper or a moon house, im not sure what you may call it. I was standing in the back yard, Most of the people were ina group, Inculuding her family and mine, I was wearing a hat at the time, so she runs up to me and takes it, so i ask her to give it back, she smiles, and runs into the junper, or moon house, whatever you may call it, So i follow suite and go in there, So shes is the ohter corner of jumper/moonhouse with my hat, so i go for it, and we knda end up wrestsling for the hat, and i figure out she is really ticklish from her ribs, so go for the tickling tactic, which wins her over and i get my hat back,okay so now were both laying in there, and i ask her if she wnts to listen to music, and she agrees, so i take out a pair of headphones and we share them, she gets really really close, like no space between us at all, she puts her head at my shoulder, and she kinda zones out of the music, and the was how we stayed for almost the whole night, it.was.amazing..... Sadly we left the next day, before i left, she told me to listen to this song, (Power Trip-Jcole) And i kid you not, i ad it on repeat on my headphones the whole way home, When i got home, the sadness kicked in, but this time it was bad, i felt so alone, and desprate. About a week later she put a picture of a guy and a girl wrestling, in the end it turned into sex, Wow, that killed me, i was depressed for almost a month, nearing two. It was bad. So now we get to present day, On saturday we had a welcome back party for my grandma returing from mexico, and of course she was coming, So, i decide that i dont want to be sad anymore... so i decide on a new tactic, and ignore her, avoid her... And i did. I hardly talked to her or her sister, her mother of course asked me when are we going on our honeymoon, yea she is still on it. What worried me is that lila didnt do anything abut me avoiding her,its like she didnt notice, i she probably didnt.. but now i regret it, beacuse they just left a couple hours ago... and i feel well depressed. and i just dont know what to do anymore,i need help, what should i do about her?...i just dont know anymore.