Hidden relationships

me and my girlfriend are on our fourth year as a serious couple. my problem is that her parents still has no idea about our relationship. i understood her when she told me about not yet telling it to her parents when we started dating in college, but now both of us are now working. i dont want to make it seem that im controlling her by forcing her to expose our relationship to the world , but i also dont want to "look at her from a distance" when her family is around, and telling my friends that im not there on special occasions coz her family is also there. i have told her once that i dont want her to go through what i went through with my ex gf (the one before my current gf). you see, with my ex gf, we literally went "You-annd-me-against-the-world", everybody around me did not want her for me coz i dont deserve her, and i admit that i was blinded by lust at that time (hehehe). so after we broke up, i met my current gf during the 4th year of college and learned that she cant reveal the situation to her parents yet, i said to myself to respect the decision as i somewhat have been in that position and i want to prevent her from being into where i have been. but now i cant put a finger on why am i still waiting. you can ask further question to clarify things, i just seem to have a hard time typing the "specific details" about my problem. what should i do?

Hello POY21, In order for me to provide any advice, I was wondering what is holding you gf back from telling her parents that you are together?? Like is it a religious thing? I find it extremely odd that after 4 years of dating, she hasnt told her parents about you. I would suggest you address your concerns to her. Tell her that you have been going out for 4 years and you think its time that she told her parents about you two. If she disagrees with you, then maybe you two can decide when a good time would be, and how she (or both of you) would tell her parents. Hope this helps....

Don't be mad if I guess wrong, but it just seems like either this is a gay relationship and your girlfriend is closeted or possibly it's a race issue? Otherwise, it might be that she's really religious or something and isn't allowed to date...it's hard to say without knowing. I guess there are other things like huge age gap or that one of you is an ex-con, but again who knows. This is a situation where the details really do matter.

@BRIGHTLIGHTS107: she told me that if possible, she would not be in a relationship(according to her parents). personally, i cant see anything that would be a good reason on why we should hide this relationship. somehow its just frustrating to be in a relationship when you have the responsibility bet not receiving any "benefits"(no double meaning intended, hehehe)

I found this interesting despite the fact I'm alil late i would still like to comment. I am actually in a 5yr relationship and the individual I'm with has not told her parents either. When she first told me this I took a week to respond, (I studied the situation with great detail) I knew that I had/have nothing to hide and in fact a few things that I have to be proud of. Nevertheless it was her intention to hide it. So I decided that I would simply tell her how I felt about it and then how I would treat this relationship. Simply as one that is not as substantive as others. For me I can confidently say I have incredible patience enough to atleast last 5yrs. She doesn't like how I'm more distant from her, but she likes being with me. I'm not disloyal but I'm simply waiting for her to decide when or if she wants to fully commit to a relationship. Until then I can wait because I am in no hurry to delve deep into a relationship and if she decides that I'm not the one for her, I will have only gained in discipline and experience because I have maintained my distance.