Cheated

Hi! First time here(sigh) so here it goes!!iv been married 18 yrs (2 time) have 2 sons..one from previous, one with my husband now.I learned 3 yrs ago my husband was having an emotional affair for 2 yrs that became physical.(no sex) I guess I found out b4 it got to that point.we were in a bad place then, I was crushed.he was rarley nice to me (I swire he was bipolar) for quite some yrs.but I didn't think he was a cheat.turns out I found out went to women's house oh...they are co-workers. .got a hold of husband...well my husband came clean w above info..wanted to go for therapy mind you several months b4 he got caught I asked for divorce he went to therapy to "save" his marriage. .during thr 4 1/2 months if therapy of us going separately he was working on his emotional affair to become more.. (confusing to me) anyway, he was caught 10 days b4 christmas..he took off work for 2 wks yo spend time together we s tarted therapy together...as too intuitive mind..I knew he wasent severing ties w her as I asked..he continued. ..march I pressed him he told me they kissed 3 x...I thought I'd have a break down...I was leaving..he begged me not too...he called her in front of me and told her he in love with his wife..bla bla..alittle rollercoaster ride for me we are better then ever..it will be 3 yrs since the big catch..last week we have one of our talks cause I had a bad feeling (often do bc they work together) he reveals he thinks about her while having sex w me!!! There is something really wrong w me...I'm shut down, I know what I should do..I have t o get my $ together and mind...so I can run so far..I hate myself...for putting up w this!!

everyone deserves happiness, that is horrible that he thinks of her while with you in bed.i know you have a life/child together our happiness is important also.think of it like this are you getting what you hoped out of the relationship,are you happy. if he loves you he would stop.i say you need to make him realize what he's going to lose.he still goes to therapy and still continues this?then he is unsure of what he wants.i say make room to find somebody who will appreciate the good women you are.don't feel sorry for him anymore because men don't usually realize until we are gone for good.