Lack of attraction

My husband & I are newly married (4 months ago) and we used to have sex all the time when we were dating. We have been together 5 years. The thing is, the reason it stopped is because I was initiating it all the time. Now, I hardly ever feel like it. All I can think about when the topic of sex pops in my head is how when we fight he won't do anything to make it up to me for yelling at me. He will eventually calm down and apologize but won't really say anything the next day. Won't write me a little letter or anything. I realize this is stupid, but it's something that would show a lot. Instead, I actually usually end up making us a nice dinner to make things better between us. He used to do super silly things like send me cat pictures that said I love you (which sounds dumb but it was funny at the time... cats of the internet are funny, ok?) and now he doesn't do that. He doesn't email me or send me little notes. He begins work at 2 pm each day and when I come home from my job nothing in the house is any different. He doesn't clean up after himself in the bathroom (toothpaste eeeeverywhere). He doesn't read books. He doesn't have ANY hobbies. I've been asking him to make a goal list with me of things we want to accomplish before the end of the year and he keeps putting it off or saying that "his goals are in his head". He does come home and kiss me every day. He loads the dishwasher and does laundry several times per week. It's not all bad. Another thing is, he has probably gained 30 pounds in the last couple of years. I know that shouldn't matter, but it has made me less attracted to him as a package... like the lack of motivation or hobbies + gaining a lot of weight. I am a very creative person that needs to do creative things with others and he never has any ideas or desire to do things. He's usually so tired at the end of his shift that he just turns on Netflix so I sit and watch with him because I want to spend time with him. We hardly see each other (I work 9-7, he works 2-11, weekdays + weekends except Sunday). He does still want to have sex with me. I ask him to let me know by doing something other than rolling me on my side and just trying to enter my body like that (not kissing me or even really touching any other part of my body) but he just doesn't do it and continues to try to have sex with me in the middle of the night this way and I am put-off that he doesn't listen so I usually just tell him I'm too tired. I feel terrible, but I find myself thinking about other people. Even comparing our relationship to my teenage sister and her boyfriend... they send hand-written notes, make time to Skype each other, send texts, and he even wrote a song for her. The thought of my husband doing this is preposterous to me. I have done many things for him like this in an effort to show him that I enjoy those sorts of expressions of love, and have even asked him right out and still nothing. I know it's not a game and I try not to keep score but it's hard when I am so explicitly asking him and still nothing happens. I don't know what to do here. I do honestly feel like I would be happier in a different relationship, but I also deeply love my husband and I want to be happy with him. I signed up for this and I want things to be better. I have suggested counseling and tons and tons of other options, but it just seems like he either doesn't think anything is wrong or possibly doesn't care enough to do something about it. Not in a malicious way, but in a "my wife will always love me no matter what I do" sort of way. I need some help with how to proceed with this. I want to continue having sex with my husband but these other things are so pressing that I can barely kiss him and it breaks my heart. HALP.

change your jobs take a less hectic one,this gives more time to be creative at home and coun will help also.Do not compare your lives with anyone because we all are different people,try your best to change your lifestyle but this will happen with more time in hand

Hi AYS, First off , before you go and have an affair of any kind , please consider counseling with your husband first. Marriage is hard work, and i know this because i've been married for 20 years, happily and unhappily at times. I think marriage has ups and downs , just as life does. The bottom line is though, that you need to stick together, work together, become best friends again. I know for us, we had to seek counseling 8 years ago and we went for an entire year, once a week. It truly saved our marriage. So before you go and do anything crazy, come in the chat and chat with others and make an appointment to see a counselor with your husband asap! Kym