Love for thirtysomethings

I am going around in circles about my relationship and really don't know how to make a definite decision so I hope you have some pearls of wisdom to bestow! I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We started as friends with Benz (I know, typically doomed to fail) 5 months previously I had got out of a very unhealthy 5 year relationship with an a verbally and emotional abusive man. I was a nervous wreck, an empty shell of a person, it took some time to be myself again and at the time I entered into the casual fling with my future boyf, I was in desperate need of some TLC, nurturing and confidence boosting, he ticked all the boxes for my 'how Stella got her groove back' phase, but of course, how all these type FwB's stories go, I started to get emotionally involved. From day one we had ground rules; we were free agents, no ties, we just had to let each other know when we had a sexual encounter outside of our arrangement for safe sex purposes. At first it was fun telling each other about our latest conquest, giving the male/female point if view and advice but it became clear there were some which meant a lot more to him than a one night stand, meanwhile he made it clear that he and I were purely physical. Suddenly new insecurities took form. We had an amazing sex life, we could have intimate conversations with each other than we were too scared with anyone else, but still I wasn't enough. As time past he tried to take things to the next level with someone he was head over heels with, she didn't reciprocate and he was heartbroken, all the while we're still doing our thing but after being 'dumped' our relationship intensifies. A few months later he makes a declaration if 'love' and proposes we become official. I ignore my hesitancy and accept, a few months more and I realise he's just not that into it and I give him a get out, but he has a change of heart and wants to keep trying. More months pass and I start thinking about the next stage, moving in together. He says he wants to, we start looking but again I get that gut instinct he's got cold feet, I give him another get out if jail free card and decide it's time for me to move back home and start looking for the one that wants commitment. He agrees this is the best thing because he's not really in love with me. I get a new job back home, rent out my place, no turning back. Then out of the blue he has a revelation that in fact he is in love with me and didn't want me to go, it's too late, the wheels are on motion so he persuades me that a long distance relationship is the way to go. If he can't live without me 'we' know it's real. So I'm back home, it's hard at first but I settle back in, have a great new job, new friends, fun lifestyle... I start thinking its time to move on because he is never going to move here to be with me. So we have the talk, I think that is the end if us, but he decides he wants to move here with me and make the commitment I longed for. So I should be happy right?? I'm not. I don't know if I want this anymore. But at the age if 33 I'm thinking realistically and contemplating the fact that this might be my only window of opportunity for marriage and kids. But there's no spark, the thrill is gone and passim has turned to irritation. But all couples get to that place eventually right? And when travel to see each other a couple days a month it's nice, I'm content. So maybe it could work... But what if? What if we are both scared and settling? But what if we're not and this is as good as it gets and I lose my one and only chance for the life I want???