Should we mingle with the rest of the family for the holidays or not?

hello, I have a dilemma that maybe you all can help out with. My spouse and I are living with his parents, and we're saving up to become independent. My spouses brother & his fiance are coming to visit from out of town and the parents are planning for all of us to go out together while they are here. Here's the problem. There was a big fight between us (me and my spouse) and his brother. We were treated very poorly as his guests when going to visit him, and then i wrote a letter expressing how I felt about the situation before we hitched a cab to the airport. For the next two years after reading the letter, my brother-in-law was relentlessly poisoning hiis mom's mind about me and she fell for it seeing that he's her favorite child of the two. He was telling her to kick us out and split up my then boyfriend and me. It made us go through unnecessary hell by his manipulating. So now after all was said and done, my BIL and MIL figured that I was here to stay, especially after my spouse and I got married. But since then, just like the rest of the family tree, they never apologized and just act like it never happened. I am still kind of scarred from the ordeal, and my spouse is over it for the most part, but when he is reminded the details of what happened, his blood pressure spikes, too. I don't know if my spouse and I should really spend time with the bunch. They're not great people and couldn't care less whether or not we spent time with the group (they're the type of people who only are nice to you if they want something from you). Besides, my MIL never gets to see her out-of-town son very often--about 2x per year..so it'll just be the inlaws. should i just suck it up and forget about what happened?? Please share insight!

what i would do is try to let by gones be by gones,because your still in the family.it,s sad you have to bit the bullet.but sometimes it comes with the territory.not to much you can do if you live

If I was in your shoes, I would not be able to forget what they did. You can always forgive, but forgetting is another thing. I would just pop up, see them for a few minutes and then go on my way. A small greeting. It is up to you, but if I was you, I would spend my time with the people I love, not people that make me uncomfortable.

I can't help but wonder what they did to you as a guest that got you so upset.

Sorry if it's not about me the question, but if it is: I had a similar situation with my own family, no other meaning, just my opinion. Sorry if it looks that way.

I just wanted to say that we had dinner and unwrapped the presents with the in-laws. Everyone kept their cool. What disturbs me is that everyone would just act like nothing ever happened. No trip to the in-laws, no letter, nothing like as if someone used an eraser and etched out the past. Then again, like yuu-chi said, one thing's to forgive but another thing is to forget. To answer your question about what the BIL did that was poor guest treatment, I didn't say hi when he came home because I was distracted with something on the computer, and he blew a fuse and started a tyrade over that without knowing why I was not acknowledging him. So I wrote a letter explaining to him how it made him look bad by jumping to conclusions and getting angry.