Not sure how to be whole again

It has been 10 months and at times it feels like centuries. Without going in to too much detail, it was revealed to me ten months ago that my husband of almost three decades had been cheating on me. And for a very lengthy amount of time. We are both trying to put things back together. I know the things I did wrong to tarnish our relationship, and the part that I played in all of it, and he admits he went down the wrong road and dealt with things poorly to say the least. I just cannot seem to get past my grief and it is consuming my life. Ten months of agonizing and grieving is of course taking a heavy toll. My mind is never calm and I fear the more I obsess and focus on this the more damaged I become. I need someone to please tell me how I can possibly get my life back in order. I am trying to focus on myself, going back to take some classes, etc. I should be exercising and trying to get in shape, but I find it difficult some days to crawl out of bed. Today, for example, has been ruined by sitting on this couch all day. Ugh. I feel like I made the wrong decision in staying with him, but at the same time, I cannot imagine my life without him. We have been together for so long. We share so much. I desperately need someone to talk to. I do not feel like I can tell our close friends, because we are trying to work out our marriage and I don't want our friends to jump ship or look poorly on one of us or the other and make things awkward. I need all the friends I can get right now. I feel like I must suffer through this all in silence and it is literally killing me. If I could just find some way to get past this. Is there anyone who can offer some advice? Or actually to be more blunt, to just be my friend so I have someone to talk to?

Hi Lauraj. I'm not sure how much I can help except to say that I have been married for over 30 years and we are experiencing problems too. My husband says I am causing problems because of the way I speak to him and blame him for everything. Will admit I have done this and behaved badly in other ways but every time I resolve on issue he finds another. At his suggestion I have contacted a counselling service and he now seems more infuriated than ever. You would think people who have been together a long time would be able to resolve issues, but it seems to get harder instead of easier! Even so, would the counselling perhaps be an option for you? At least you could talk to someone who is not involvbed in your life and get everything off your chest.

well dear,you do have a problem,you feel used.and you hate to be alone.your always going to feel this way.unless you do something to make your self happy for you.a job .volunter keep your mind happy.then.make him wonder why you change.you can talk to a million people .the problem is there unless you do something about it.you also admited you had some dealing in this to .as a guy some of use need sex,not to be fussed at alota hug now and then

Lauraj , you've someway given up on the past , and that is IT in your life , and unable to move any step forward due to your fear on the future . And as you say , ' things i did wrong ' ... ' part all i played "... you sound very much in guilt and given up yourself and your world after the biggest incident. You being not sure how to be whole again ... - first be complete about the guilt you carry on your marriage and your role in the marriage ending up such a way . There's no point in trying to indulge yourself into something else like physical exercise , because , whatever you do, whatever you think , feel , all is from the ground of guilt and giving up ; equivalent to suicide.. psychological suicide. You definitely can get your life back . Be complete , get yourself clear and unattached to the cognitions you cognised from the incidents. Thank You.

Hi LAURAJ sounds like you need a friend that you can talk to in person im going to give you some of my contact details and i encourage you to use them i can understand where your coming from and feel for you here are my contact details [e-mail address removed] and my cell number is 0220385027 if you need someone to text or talk to in person.