Thinking of leaving my husband

I’m 37 and my husband is 47, we have been together for 8 years and married for just over 3 years. He has (or had) three children from his first marriage, and they were all teenagers when I met him. 4 months after our wedding, his middle son (who was 24 at the time) had an ‘accident’ which involved binge drinking; he spent 4 months in a coma and then sadly passed away. I have felt like because I’m the one who had been holding everything together my thoughts and feelings on everything have never been taken into consideration. It has come to a point now, after his son has been dead for almost three years, where I don’t want to have to cope with this day in day out any longer. I feel like I’m suffocating in this toxic relationship and as much as I love my husband, I don’t think I can take it much longer. This sort of came to a head over Christmas as the youngest of the three sons had an interview on TV which was broadcast about the dangers of binge drinking etc. Youngest SS had been doing a media course at Uni and had won an international award for a ‘heart-breaking’ documentary he did with his dad about how ‘the family’ had coped with everything that had happened. Whilst I’m proud of his achievements, I can’t help but feel that this has engulfed mine and my husbands relationship and it seems to be centred completely around the family’s grief and how (in my husband’s words) ‘everyone must be made aware of the dangers so nothing like this happens to another family’. He and my youngest SS seem to be on some kind of quest, and nobody is taking my feelings in to account. I don’t feel like I’ve been taken into account at all during the time we have been married, I feel taken for granted. Anyway, I said I didn’t want to watch the TV interview and I was berated for never being interested in things to do with the family – and I was made to watch it. We went to visit the family over Christmas and every conversation revolved around whether everyone had seen the TV programme or not. I’m sick and tired of my entire married life revolving around someone who essentially committed suicide by binge drinking and I need an outlet for my frustration. I’m thinking so much now about just packing up and getting out because I don’t know how much more I can take. I even feel guilty for feeling like this, and like I should be more loyal to the family I married in to, but I’m really beginning to feel like my opinions and feelings aren’t being heard at all and I feel helpless.

Hiya. Not an easy one, he and the rest of the family have been so consumed in the mission to save others, perhaps in someway it helps with bereavement, guilt etc. sometimes people get carried away and are oblivious to others feelings. Arrange to be somewhere to talk to him, somewhere neutral to talk about how you feel, but make it clear it's got to be an honest talk, and make sure you make it clear that you understand the grief he's had, but now that 3 years have passed everything has to take a different direction. . think about what you want to say before you sit and talk, perhaps after that it will be clearer where you stand and what you want to do. Sorry I'm no expert, just seems sensible to put it to discussion first. Darren