Deployed husband wants a divorce

My husband and I have been together 9 years and married 6. We have four children together and we both work full-time. He is currently deployed and about a month ago (a few weeks before Christmas) he told me that he met a girl online and he wants to see where it can go with her. When I asked why he wants a divorce all he would say is 'you didn't support me in this, you never 'noticed' me'..and several other statements that indicated I was selfish in this marriage. However, I have always been a selfless person. I always put my needs on the back burner so that my husband's and my kids needs can be met. I have supported him in everything he has done and have noticed him working out and looking good..etc. In the past three years he has been home about 9months (all military related), so I can see why he feels disconnected. After I asked him to not make a decision until he gets back home and we can actually talk face to face (instead of over FB/Email/Skype) he said he will not longer talk about the subject and will not make a decision until he gets home. We hardly talk, it is only if he needs something or because he heard the kids were sick. I know he is still talking to this other girl and making plans to meet her in the Summer. He comes home in February and he said he still wants me at the welcome home ceremony (if he wants a divorce why does he want me there?). I want to save this marriage, go to counseling, try working it out for the next 12-18 months (not just for the kids or because I 'need' the marriage but because I want the both of us to be happier and have a better future). I have already seen a Lawyer and have things in place just in case the worse happens. I am talking to a counselor for myself so I can get the emotional support I need as well. I just need to know if saving my marriage is worth it or if I am just wasting my time.

It sounds like he has made the decision already. I know how hard the military life can be. But I can honestly tell you from my experience of deployment that the only thing that gets you through the deployment is your significant other. I don't know where his deployment has taken him (and I will not ask) but if it is in a combat zone then it is entirely possible that he is suffering from PTSD. I still suffer from it and I know it sometimes makes you do things you wouldn't normally.